


To Build a Home

by RoseHarker9



Category: Dark (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:34:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 32,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25057780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseHarker9/pseuds/RoseHarker9
Summary: "But after barely one month in that new and unfriendly world, he missed being with someone; sometimes he felt so lonely and missed home so much that he was tempted to find a way to travel back. He couldn’t believe he could miss home.Fuck he even missed Agnes. He would have given everything just to be bothered by her.Until Elisabeth arrived in his life"
Relationships: Elisabeth Doppler/Noah | Hanno Tauber
Comments: 92
Kudos: 207





	1. Together, after all

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is the first chapter of a story about important moments in their life in the post-apocalyptic world. Let me know if you like it!

_This is a place where I don't feel alone_   
_This is a place where I feel at home_

To Build a Home-The Cinematic Orchestra

He woke up in the middle of the night. It wasn’t new, for him, in his whole life, he couldn’t remember a time he had slept all night.

And since when he had traveled in the future, it had been even worse. He couldn’t believe that his life could become even more difficult than before, but he had to change his mind: his first months in the 21 st century had been the worst of his brief but intense life. He had to strive every day to find food, water, safety, all things he had always given for granted.

But a thing that even in a million years he thought would have bothered him was the loneliness.

There was a time when he craved loneliness like the air he breathed: he was always with someone, his father, his sister, the clients at the tavern… there was always something to do, someone to serve, someone giving orders.

There were two places he would go to find peace: the woods and the stables. He used to run there whenever he could, hiding, pretending to not hear his father calling him with that usual bothered tone, or Agnes calling him to ask him to play with her.

But after barely one month in that new and unfriendly world, he missed being with someone; sometimes he felt so lonely and missed home so much that he was tempted to find a way to travel back. He couldn’t believe he could miss home.

Fuck he even missed Agnes. He would have given everything just to be bothered by her again.

Until Elisabeth arrived in his life.

His heart stopped and he almost crumbled on the ground the night he came back to the cave just to find her there, covered in blood, shaking like a leaf, unable to tell him what happened. In the previous days, he knew something bad would have happened to her, and even though he had never been very religious, he prayed that whatever would have happened, it wouldn’t have been something terrible.

His prayers hadn’t been answered.

She had remained in silence for three days before writing something on her bloc-note.

_Hungry._

A week after, she told him everything: about her father, about how she had to kill that monster… and nothing could prepare him for the anger and the rage that invaded his whole body. That blind need to protect her at all costs that would have never left him, he knew.

He didn’t even know her, yet, but he already knew that he would have died before letting someone harm her again.

They had been living together, side by side, for six months, three weeks and three days, now. He knew it because he had meticulously kept trace of the time in his diary, writing the date and the progress in digging the tunnels.

They slept with their bedrolls next to each other, it was the only way to keep her calm and to make her feel safe, so she could sleep. She would have never asked, obviously, but he knew she felt safer with him even though she was too proud to admit it, so he casually proposed to sleep with their bedrolls next to each other, saying that there was no need to waste space and she agreed with a brief nod.

And in those nights it had become a habit, for him, to wake up and check on her, to see if she was sleeping fine, the instinct to watching over her.

But that night was different because when he turned around, she wasn’t there.

His heart stopped while he quickly sat, taking the flashlight next to him and checking the room, breathing heavily.

She wasn’t there.

His mind went blank, his only thought was a series of _no no no no no no,_ going on repeat in his head _._

He quickly kicked away the sheets, standing up, checking every corner of the hole.

“Elisabeth!” he called, out loud, closing his eyes with frustration once he realized she couldn’t hear him anyway.

It was hard to get used to that new kind of communication: he kept calling for her sometimes or talking while turning his back, unintentionally preventing her to read his lips and she always had to clap her hand to make him look at her, one day she was in a particularly bad mood and even threw a rock at him when he did that for the umpteenth time. He became stupid when she was around.

From outside, the sound of the rain arrived clear at him, so he took his raincoat to go find her. He took a step outside and with a sigh of relief, he realized she was there, right in front of him, sat with her leg crossed, looking absentmindedly at the rain falling down.

She had that look on her face, the look that for him meant that she was thinking about something that she usually never shared with him.

Elisabeth had never properly told it out loud, but she wasn’t happy. He knew that, it didn’t even take a genius to tell it.

She missed her family, she missed her life. Noah had always known he would have traveled to the future, it was his mission, his calling, he had even _longed_ for that moment, but she was different. She was just a girl who had lost his lightheartedness forever and now had to grow as fast as she could. A girl that has had to leave her easy, comforting life to find herself in a living hell.

And the worst thing was that he felt useless. He couldn’t make her happy, couldn’t make her feel better, feel at home: the only thing he could do was providing her food and keep her safe, and he knew that those were the only reasons why she hadn’t leave him, yet.

For a moment he wanted to tell her something, scold her for disappearing like that, but he knew that it was probably the last thing she needed at that time, so he simply sat near her in the same position, his legs crossed on the wet ground.

 _You afraid me._ He tried to sign.

She started to teach him how to sign only a month before, they dedicated barely one hour a day to the lessons, so he was still at the basics.

 _I_ scared _you._ She corrected him, with a severe look on her face.

They remained still for almost a minute, Noah looking at her with a worried look, realizing he wasn’t able to help her in that difficult time.

 _It’s raining_ she signed _why is always raining?_

 _The weather needs to fix_ Noah replied, receiving a stink eye from her.

He smiled, shaking his head.

 _Sorry_ he signed _I no understand jokes_

She signed something, but to him it was only frantic moves of her little hands, he didn’t understand anything.

 _I don't’ understand_ he signed.

 _Nothing_ she replied.

She hated it when he couldn’t understand, usually dropping the topic and going away.

“no,” he said out loud, shaking his head and caressing her arm "tell me"

Then he raised a hand, silently telling her to wai and took his bloc-note from his pocket.

_**Please, tell me. I want to know what you were saying.** _

She took the note and didn’t even reply. So he wrote again.

**_ Please _ **

She sighed and started writing on the piece of paper, giving it to him once she had finished.

_My dad used to tell the worst jokes. They never made me smile, but now I miss_

_them._

He swallowed, doing his best to not look at her with sorrow or pity, she hated that.

**_Tell me about him, he seemed a good man_ **

Elisabeth took the bloc-note and started writing, it took her a bit, so he understood it must have been a long note, maybe the longest since they met.

She looked so concentrated while writing and he couldn’t hold a soft chuckle. He took her note in his hands, looking at the tidy handwriting, _her_ handwriting.

_He taught me everything I know. He was the one who insisted to make me learn sign language: everyone kept telling me I had to learn how to talk but I hated it, I hated my voice, so I never spoke. Until he made me learn how to sign, he said that I didn’t have to demonstrate anything, I didn’t have to be like the others, to be happy_

He smiled while he read the note, quickly replying.

_**You’re lucky, my father had never taught me anything.** _

She asked him with a gesture of her hand to pass her the bloc-notes.

_Do you miss your family?_

_Sometimes_ he replied, signing and then return to write on the bloc-note:

_**Especially before I met you. Living alone in a place like this can be hard.** _

She looked at him with a tenderness he had never seen in her, or in anyone else.

_You’re not alone, anymore._

He smiled and giggled a little.

 _I know_ he signed for her.

She started writing something and then gave him the bloc-notes.

_My parents and my sister were the only people who had never treated me like I was different, I was only Elisabeth_

He chose carefully the words for his reply.

_**In paradise, you will see them again and you’ll be with them forever. But until then, I can be your family, if you want. I will never compare to your parents or your sister, but we are together in this mess, after all. I’ll learn to sign so we won’t need this bloc-note.** _

She smiled, reading.

_You don’t have to._

He knew she would have said something like that, so his reply was fast.

_**I know.** _ **_I want to. I want to be able to talk to you, properly talk to you._ **

She smiled again, without answering.

_**Are you in?** _

He wrote, then.

Elisabeth nodded, with an amused expression on his little face.

_**Let’s begin, then** _

He suggested.

_Now?_

She asked, with a surprised look on her face, and something told him she was used to people promise her something without really meaning it. Obviously she didn’t know _him,_ he would have died before breaking his word.

He smiled at her, as he wrote.

**_Do you have something better to do?_ **


	2. The sun still exists

_ So open up my eyes to a new light  
I wandered 'round your darkened land all night  
But I lift up my eyes to a new high  
And indeed there will be time _

** There Will Be Time  
Mumford & Sons, Baaba Maal **

The Sun still existed, after all. 

For over a year, it has never stopped to rain, deforming the features of the rocks and the buildings, tearing down the few things that had remained of the old Winden.

Elisabeth kept asking him _will rain ever stop?_ And at first, he used to say that yes, of course it will stop raining someday, but after two seasons of never-ending rains, he started to reply with a shrug and a worried look. They couldn’t know the effect of the explosion on the weather and for what they knew, it was possible that the rains would have never stopped.

And when the summer arrived, it was even worse: the temperature rose, and the air became thick and wet and almost unbreathable, it was like breathing water, his head hurt and he knew that Elisabeth was feeling the same, even though he would have never seen her complain about anything. She wasn’t the kind of person that complains about something, he was surprised by her tenacity: every day, it didn’t matter how she would feel, or if the world was ending outside that caves, she would have rolled her sleeves and started working with him.

At the end of June, on the anniversary of the apocalypse, they had both accepted that they would have never seen the sun again, it was like a silent realization, something they tried not to think about a lot, or say out loud.

Until one day.

19 August 2021.

The day they discovered the sun still existed. The day the first ray of sun broke the gray blanket of clouds that was covering the city.

Noah that morning was sleeping when he felt Elisabeth next to him, shaking him to wake him up.

_ Something wrong?  _ He si gn ed, with a worried look on his face.

_ Come!  _ She said, literally dragging him by the arm.

He was still wearing his shirt when he put a step outside and his mouth fell open in surprise. His first reaction was to put his hands over his face, protecting his eyes by the blinding light. He had to blink a few times, his eyes achingly stinging and watering; before he could realize that yes, it was sunny in Winden.

It was incredible how the weather affected their mood.

In the following days, the world didn’t even seem so unfriendly and harsh like the previous months, even though the only difference was the bright light in the sky.

Elisabeth suggested spending at least three hours a day outside, she said that the daylight was as important for the health as food and water, and he accepted, mostly because in his time, in his old life, there wasn’t anything he liked more than sleeping outside in the afternoon, warmed by the light.

They were so tired of living hidden in those caves that they started even to spend the evening outside, going inside only when they were too tired to keep their eyes open.

One particular day, they were outside, Elisabeth was reading one of the books she took from the library,  they made a trip to the public library once a month, they took the books the y needed and the following months they brought them back, taking other  books. 

Noah, instead, was playing with a ball he had found in  an abandoned  football field, during their last trip in the city. It reminded him of the afternoons spent playing with Magnus, but with a higher quality ball. 

He stopped playing to look at her: she always seemed so peaceful while reading, he could perfectly picture her doing the same at her house, before the disaster.

He couldn’t deny that her mood had boosted in the last weeks, but sometimes she turned suddenly sad, and he knew it was because she was thinking about her family, he knew it because he felt the same.

That day he noticed the little pout on her face, right between her eyebrows, so he grinned and softly kicked the ball towards her. The ball slowly rolled at her feet, stopping right in front of her.

She looked at him over the pages of the book.

_ What?  _ She asked.

_ Come play with me  _ he said, signing. 

In the last nine months, they had spent on average  three hours a day learning sign language: it was difficult but he was a quick learne r, he always had been, and most of all she was a merciless teacher, even though she loved to make fun of his mistakes. 

But now he was at an advanced level, he didn’t even need the bloc-note, anymore, she explained to him the words he didn’t understand directly in sign language and he was pretty proud of that. And even though she didn’t lavish compliments, he knew that she was happy to be able to talk to someone in her language. Their friendship had improved since they could talk freely.

 _I didn’t know football existed in the Middle Ages._ She pointed out with a little smile.

It was a sort of their inside joke: mocking him because he used to live in another century. At first, she was genuinely curious about life at the beginning of the 20 th century,  she asked him how did he live, what did he do during the day, what did  he do in the free time,  but then she started to make question just to make fun of him,  like the time she asked him how was his dinosaur pet called, and when he asked what a dinosaur was, she almost fainted on the ground, laughing until she had tears in her eyes  and she couldn’t breathe anymore . 

_Yes,_ he replied _and we would beat your century without blinking_ _._

She scoffed, shaking her little head  _I don’t think so_

_Play with me, then: 20_ _th_ _century against 21_ _st_

Elisabeth shook her head, again, looking at her book _no, thanks_

Noah shrugged  _Fine, I get it._ _I would have gone light, anyways_

_What_ _do you mean_ _?_

He shrugg ed again _I mean, I’m older, and taller, I would have given you a little advantage_

Her expression turned serious, even a little mad, and Noah knew that he had hit the  right spot. 

_ I don’t need any advantage, I’m perfectly capable  of beating you _

He raised his eyebrow, making her even madder  _sure_

She closed her books, violently.

_okay, then_ she signed, quickly  _show me what you can do, oldie._

T hey chose the entry of the caves as goal. 

Elisabeth turned out to be better than he thought, his intentions at first were to let her win, but she didn’t need that. Maybe it could have been useful to know that she had played football for three years.

She was also having fun, letting go of little chuckles every now and then. He couldn’t believe how fast and swift she was, a little arrow that in more than one occasion stole the ball right from beneath his feet, making him question when she did that. 

She was very competitive, he discovered that day, she played to win, just like him.

_ Hey!  _ She signed when he  took her by the sleeves, preventing her to take the ball  _ that is  a foul, it’s  against the rules! _

_I didn’t know you were so polite in_ _this century_ He signed, grinning.

 _You’ll regret that_ She warned him, kicking the ball and starting the game again.

They stopped when the sun came down and they couldn’t even properly see the ball: what has begun as a violent match to defend the reputation of their centuries, ended up being a simple play, without counting the points, even though Noah had the little suspicion that Elisabeth had taken count of the points but didn’t want to admit it because she had lost.

Neither of them wanted to come inside the cave, that night, so they stayed outside, looking at the night sky full of shining stars.

 _Another one_ Elisabeth stated, pointing at the bright trail of a shooting star. They had seen a lot of them, that night.

 _How do you see so many?_ he said.

The girl shrugged _I'm very visual, I have to be always aware of the world around me so I can catch almost everything_

 _This is why sometimes I have the feeling that you can watch behind your head_ he realized, smiling. 

She giggled, one of the few noises he usually heard her make.

They remained in silence for another few minutes, until he caught her moving her hands, saying something. He was always looking at her with the corner of his eye, in case she started talking. 

_You know_ she was saying _before the Apocalypse, couples came here to spend time together_

_what do you mean?_

She turned to him, raising an eyebrow.

“ooooh,” he said, widening his eyes in surprise. In those cases, he didn’t need to sign, she was able to read his facial expressions. 

She chuckled  _do you have a..._

Noah couldn’t recognize the last word, it was rare, but there were signs he still didn’t know.

 _I didn’t understand the last part_ he said.

She repeated the sign slowly, showing him the different perspectives, waiting for him to imitate her.

 _It’s a girl that you like and kiss_ she explained.

He thanked the darkness, because blushing in front of a thirteen years old little girl asking if he had a girlfriend was shameful.

 _No_ he rapidly replied.

 _Why?_ She asked

He shrugged _I don’t know. I didn’t have time… it was different back then._

In his time, girls and boys couldn’t even sit at the same table, and anyway, he had never met anyone who had sparked anything in him. He thought for long that he wasn’t simply made for love.

Until he had met his old self and he heard him talk about  Elisabeth . He sent him there with an aim:  _t_ _ake care of her,_ _she is your_ _future_ _._

Noah saw it in his eyes, he saw how special she was for him, how desperately he cared about her, and he was relieved to see that in the future he would have had that look in his eyes, talking about someone.

He couldn’t see her as a girl, yet, she was too young, but he knew that one day it would have been different between them, and he liked that: he couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else.

_H_ _ow can you be_ _too_ _busy_ _to have_ _a girlfriend? It’s not that complicated_ she considered.

_How do you know?_ He asked, chuckling Are _you a kind of expert?_

_Well, better than you, for sure. At least I’ve had a boyfriend_

_ YOU DID WHAT?  _ He asked with maybe a little too animosity, moving his hands fast  _ aren’t you a little too young to have a boyfriend?  _

_ In the Jurassic, maybe… _ she replied.

Then she turned to him and they both looked at each other, the shadow of a smile on their faces until they both burst into laughs.

 _Tell me about your family_ she asked, out of the blue _if you want..._

He sighed, lifting his shoulders and hiding his neck between them for a moment. He thought that being with Elisabeth would have  helped his homesickness, but seeing her talk with all that love and affection about her family was only widening the knot in his stomach.

_T_ _here isn’t so much to say, my father… we’ve never really got along, I don’t know how to explain. It was like he couldn’t even_ _bear_ _my presence…_

H e had always asked himself what he could have done to make his father hate him so much. And about a year before he probably g o t his answer. 

T here was a part of him that kept asking himself if he would have done the same if only his father would have been different with him:  if he had behaved like a father even for once. Peter Doppler died to protect his beloved daughter, while his father used to leave the table when he sat . But there was another  little, noisy,  part of him that could never forget how his father had surrendered to him without even fighting. He thought his father would have fought him back, but instead, he remained still, letting his son doing what he had been asked. 

When Noah turned to Elisabeth, she was looking at him. She had a sad frown between her eyebrows, she wasn’t pitying him, she was just feeling his pain, he knew that.

Anyway, he kept talking.

_My_ _mother died when I was little._ _I have very few memor_ _ies_ _of her, s_ _he was sweet and gentle, she used to sing for me to make me fall asleep, but she…_ he paused, swallowing and closing his eyes,  he took a breath  _she died giving birth to my sister._

_I didn’t even know you had a sister_ Elisabeth said.

 _A-G-N-E-S_ he spelled for her with his hands.

_How was she_ _?_ She asked. 

He sighed _She was funny and smart, and even a little bossy, just like you_

She gasped, a funny shocked expression on her face _I’m not bossy!_

 _You threw a rock at me once!_ He pointed out.

 _Because you were talking to me without looking at me_ she explained _I’m sorry, though_

 _It’s nothing_ he reassured her.

 _You and your sister_ she resumed _did you get along?_

 _It’s complicated_ he tried to explain _It was hard, being with her. She reminded me a lot about my mother,_ our _mother, reminding me that I…_ we _had lost our mother forever. I think I’ve made my father’s mistake, hating her for something that wasn’t even her fault. If we ever meet again I would tell her how much I love her._

That was his breaking point, the thought that he did to his sister what his father did to him.

He clenched his jaw while burning tear s were crossing his face, he had to close his eyes and cover them with his hands. 

He felt  Elisabeth moving, coming closer, and kneeling right next to him. When he uncovered his eyes, she was there, she wasn’t crying but her eyes were humid, suddenly she came closer and hugged him tight. 

His first reaction was to stiffen, surprised by the touch.

They have never been that close before: he knew her story, he knew what she had been through in that camper and so he had always kept some distance, letting her manage her personal space  as she wanted, letting her decide how much close she wanted to be to him.

He put both his hands on her left forearm, relishing in the sensation of being held, something he hadn't experienced in a long time.

Elisabeth took him by the shoulders and pushed him away, softly.

_You will meet her again, and your mother, too. In paradise._

He let out a bitter chuckle _Sometimes paradise_ _seems_ _so far I’m afraid I won’t live enough to see it_

She took him by his chin, making him look at her.

 _No,_ she signed, shaking her head _we can’t lose hope. If we lose hope we’ve already failed. Maybe we will never be in paradise, maybe it doesn’t even exist, but we will try as hard as we can to find it._

He smiled and nodded.

 _Okay,_ he signed.

That night, when they were inside and Elisabeth was peacefully sleeping by his side, he was still awake, unable to fall asleep. He was laying on his back, in his bedroll, his hands crossed on his stomach, his eyes closed and his attention focused on Elisabeth's quiet breath, and his mind wandered by itself on his old self: he understood him, he understood how a man can easily love a person so though and caring like Elisabeth, but there was something that kept him awake at night, a question his old self wasn’t able to answer.

_ If she is my future, where is she now? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> Thank you for the amazing comments on the first chapter, they were all sweet and supportive.  
> I'll update the story every three days (more or less, so please forgive any delay in updating)  
> Let me know if you liked it!


	3. Old photographs

_ "I'm tired of looking at the photograph now. [...]  _ _ I am going to look at the stars.  _ _ They are so far away, and their light takes so long to reach us... All we ever see of stars are their old photographs" _

**Dr. Manhattan (Watchmen Book), Alan Moore**

_ Are you ready?  _ He said while Elisabeth was putting on her huge backpack.

_ Yes,  _ she admitted, adjusting the backpack on her shoulders  _ come on _

She had grown a lot in the last three years, yet that backpack still seemed twice her size. Noah was almost asking her if she needed help, but he suddenly remembered what had happened the last time he offered her his help, so he reconsidered it.

They left the caves carefully, always looking around them, it had been years since the last time they saw another human being, but they still heard noises outside, at night, so they had to remain aware.

That was the only day of the month in which they could leave the caves, and they both usually longed for that day for 29 days. It was hard to see those walls all the time.

Shopping day _ ,  _ a s Elisabeth loved to call it.

On that day of the month they usually took a trip to the city to take what they needed: they usually went there for food, medicines or books.

That day was different, though: they were going to the city to find something to wear.

For the previous two years, they had shared the same clothes, but now they were all ragged and full of holes.

It was upsetting for him to see how bad was the quality of robes in the 21 st century: in his whole life, he had owned only four shirts, three pairs of trousers and one pair of suspenders, so he was pretty shocked when Elisabeth told him that she used to buy new clothes  _ every year. _

Elisabeth was pretty enthusiastic about the trip, talking about the afternoons spent with her mother and her sister buying things for the new year of school, her eyes were glowing when she told him about the time Franziska helped her buying a dress for her last birthday before the apocalypse.

He still couldn’t believe that Elisabeth was really Franziska’s sister: that she was the sister of the woman who brought him up after his mother died, of the woman that welcomed him in her house whenever he fought with his father, who protected him when he made any troubles.

He couldn’t have the chance to tell her that, though: it was like a taboo for her. When she discovered that her sister was alive in the 20 th century she cried all night, so they never talked about it again.

When they finally made it out of the woods, his heart stopped.

He swallowed, clenching his jaw and taking a deep breath.

In front of them, there was a beautiful house: modern, made of glass and wood. There was a time he could see the inside, but now the windows were completely covered by the ivy. And maybe it was better that way, it prevented him to image his father as a teenager, living the life he would have always wanted back.

He felt a hand rubbing his back, drawing circles.

He turned to Elisabeth.

That house wasn’t so scary with her by his side.

_ I wish I could tell you more about him  _ she admitted,  _ but I didn’t know him well. We traveled back in time together, once _

Noah tensed up, at the same time eager and scared of knowing about Bartosz Tiedemann. It seemed so silly that after seventeen years spent under the same roof, he still had to know him. He already knew what he needed to know, and besides that, finding something else about him wouldn’t have changed the fact that his father was gone.

_ Do you want to enter?  _ She asked, gesturing towards the house.

He had already tried to enter, one day when she still hadn’t come in his life: he had walked to the doorstep, taking half of an hour only to cross the garden, taking five steps back for every step forward, but at the end, he didn't make it.

He shook his head.

_ Come on  _ he said, instead  _ we’re running out of time. _

Their idea of shopping was a little creepy.

The shops were all empty, obviously, so their only hope was to search for clothes in the few abandoned houses. The first stop was a little house along the road, they had to enter by an open window since the entrance was covered by one of that giant mushrooms that smelled like sulfur.

Lucky for them, the ivy that had invaded the city in those three years after the apocalypse made it really simple to climb and break into the house.

_ After you  _ Elisabeth said, tying her hair.

While climbing, Noah always kept an eye on Elisabeth, a few meters beneath him, looking if she was having any troubles: she was a little slower than him, and she seemed pretty unsure of what she was doing, touching around to find the most solid spot to hang on, keeping going anyway. She was like that, it didn’t matter what troubles occurred in front of her, or the difficulties she was having, she would have always kept going.

_ Can you make it?  _ He asked her, once he had entered the house.

He took a look around the room: apparently, they broke into the bedroom.

_ Of course I can make it!  _ She replied, even though she almost stumbled, trying to get over the windowsill. Grasping his elbow to not fall down.

She looked at him, his nose only a few centimeters apart from hers, and immediately straightened her back, blushing and mechanically fixing a tuft of blonde hair behind her ear, clearing her throat.

_ You would die before asking for help, don’t you?  _ He asked.

_ It seems I’m still very alive and doing great, so… _ she replied shrugging, with a comic expression on her face that made him laugh out loud.

She, too, gave a look at the bedroom, coming closer to a dresser beneath a big mirror. There were a few frames, covered in dust, like everything else in that room. Elisabeth took one of that frames, revealing the real color of the dresser in the spot that was free from the dust: the picture showed an old couple in a cruise ship, the man was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, with a flower necklace, and the woman was wearing a big hat and a pair of round sunglasses, they were smiling, the sunset behind her back.

_ Did you know them? _

She shook her head.

She put the photo down and took another one: two women in a wedding dress, laughing with their bouquet in their hands, the old couple smiling behind them.

Noah took the frame and frowned, looking at her with a confused look.

_ Why are there two women in a wedding dress? _

_ They were just married, probably  _ Elisabeth replied, taking down the frame.

_ And where are their husbands? _

Elisabeth burst out laughing, putting a hand on her forehead, like every time Noah said something historically naive.

_ I’ll explain to you when you’ll get older  _ she said, still laughing, then she bit her bottom lip, grinning, _jokes apart, they probably just married to each other, no husbands._

He remained still, frowning. 

_ Really? Women can marry each other in this time? _

_ Men can, too  _ She explained  _ They couldn’t, in your time? _

_ I didn’t even know it was possible  _ Noah admitted. Sometimes it felt like he was landed on another planet: he really thought he knew everything he needed to know, but it wasn’t true, apparently. 

_ Don’t tell me that it bothers you  _ she said, raising an eyebrow in a severe look.

He giggled.

_ Calm down… _ he replied  _ I’m just surprised. I don’t know why someone should be bothered by that, it’s pretty logical if you think about it. I mean… it’s not confusing like the internet. _

Elisabeth smiled, shaking her head, remembering the time when she tried to explain to him what the internet was, she even made a very bad drawing of the Google page, but there was no way.

_ I told you  _ she said  _ it was like a person that knows everything _

_ Every time you explain what it is, it gets more confusing  _ he admitted, shaking his head and turning to the big, wooden closet behind him; the wardrobe doors crackled when he  opened them, and a musty smell hit his nostrils while he was rummaging inside to find something to take.

He found a red sweater and a blue coat and showed them to Elisabeth.

_ I think they could suit you _ she admitted _ try them _

He nodded and took off his backpack, then proceed to take off his raincoat, looking at her, that was still snooping around, distractedly: he couldn’t undress in front of her, of course, but he wasn’t willing to leave her sight neither for one second when they were outside. So he hid behind one of the wardrobe doors.

He quickly wore the clothes, trying to not concentrate on the image reflecting in the mirror. He had never cared so much about how he looked, but lately, it bothered him a lot to notice how thinner he had got, in those years, and the fact that he was always covered in dirt and sweat.

The clothes were a little big for him, he had to roll the sleeves twice before his lean hands could be seen, but at least the fabric seemed solid.

He closed the wardrobe doors and Elisabeth stiffened as if she was surprised to find him there.

_ How do I look?  _ He asked.

She remained still for a bit, blinking with a confused look on her face.

_ Hello?  _ Noah said, waving his hand in front of her.

She shook her head and smiled a little _ you look like an old, drunk, sailor man _

He rolled his eyes, holding a laugh.

_ Talking to you is really food for the soul  _ he admitted  _ I get it, I’ll take them off _

_ No, no!  _ She rapidly said. 

He stopped, with a confused look in his face, following her with his gaze while she was coming closer until she was right in front of him. Elisabeth lifted her hands to the collar of his coat, her eyes were looking at him in a silent request. 

He clenched his jaw and nodded.

After a brief smile, the girl stood on her tiptoes, coming even closer than before, keeping her head almost leaned on his shoulder, while trying to fix his collar. 

It was so strange to have her that close, in that intimate gesture: when her fingertips touched his nape, cold shivers started crawling under his skin, and he closed his eyes,  trying to do his best to remain still; he opened his eyes only when he clearly felt her moving, her fingers moving away from his neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind them.

Elisabeth looked at him with her eyes up, because of the difference between their heights. She smiled and took a few steps back, looking at him from afar.

_ you look good…  _ she admitted. 

He swallowed, feeling something capsize in his stomach, his mind repeated those words in his mind and he had to swallow again.

When she turned around to check the rest of the room, he realized that for all that time he had been holding his breath.

They kept inspecting the house, looking for anything useful, opening the drawers, glancing at the pictures on the walls.

Whoever was living there, they were happy: they were in retirement, spending their time traveling around the world.

They had a daughter, one of the two women in a wedding dress, in the photo, and a little nephew. They were living a happy, fulfilling life, and then, in one second, they were gone.

Noah couldn’t believe in something sadder than an existence canceled in one second.

Adam told him that the apocalypse was necessary, that it had to happen for the salvation of everyone, but all he could see was death and destruction, and not knowing what part he had played in that disaster kept him awake at night.

How could he look Elisabeth in the eyes, knowing that most of her sufferings were probably caused by him, as well?

He felt something touching his shoulder: Elisabeth was behind him, with a worried look.

_ Are you okay? _

He smiled, nodding.

_ Look what I found  _ she stated, showing him a strange cubic object.

_ What is this?  _ He asked

She took that object and put it in front of her face, pointing it at him.

_ Smile  _ she said, miming it with her mouth like she always did when her hands were busy.

He did as she said, and he heard a  **click** .

A thin piece of paper came out from that object, lucid, with a colored reproduction of his figure. He looked at Elisabeth with an amazed look.

_ It’s a Polaroid _ she explained, pointing at the faded inscription on the front.

_ It’s incredible…  _ he admitted, looking at the girl who was showing him the world. 

She giggled  _ this is one of the slowest methods _

_ Take it  _ he suggested, looking at the Polaroid  _ it will be cool if we could take some pictures, sometimes _

She nodded and smiled.

_ Can I ask you a question?  _ Elisabeth asked while they were walking towards the caves.

He nodded.

_ Why do people always seem so serious in the photos of your time? _

He chuckled  _ I don’t know, it wasn’t a rule, it’s just… I think that nobody had thought about smiling, and furthermore those photos usually took  _ _ a long time _ _ to be taken and smiling for that amount of time can be painful  _

They were at a crossroads, one road was safer and shorter, the other was longer and more dangerous, they usually took the second, though, so Noah chose that path almost mechanically, without thinking.

He felt her taking him by the sleeve, so he turned to her.

_ Let’s take this one _ she suggested, pointing at the shorter road.

_ Are you sure? _ He asked, coming closer _ you don’t have to _

She nodded _ It’s safer. And I can’t keep hiding for the rest of my life _

He nodded, with an encouraging smile, she was a lot braver than him, apparently.

They proceeded slowly as if they were afraid of walking on a mine. Noah could see Elisabeth’s jawbone trembling under her ear and all he wanted to do was taking her hand and make her know that she wasn’t alone.

When they arrived in front of the Doppler’s house, he thought that she would have walked by, ignoring her childhood house, like he had done for three years with her father’s house.

She stopped, looking at the building with an indecipherable look on her face.

He put a hand on her shoulder and she jumped, gasping.

_ Sorry,  _ he said  _ do you want to enter? _

She gave a quick look at the house, and then at him again and for a moment he saw the scared little girl he had found shaking on the ground that night of three years ago.

_ I don’t know… what do you think? _

He shrugged, looking at her with tenderness  _ only you can decide. Do what you feel right _

She swallowed, glancing at the house, again.

_ Will you be with me? _

He smiled and nodded.

A _ lways _

The entrance was free, so they entered by the door, even though Noah had to force the lock with a picklock.

Elisabeth silently held her breath at the first sight of her house, stiffening.

Noah put both his hands on her shoulders, caressing them his thumbs, smiling when she turned at him.

_ I’m here _

They walked into the hall and she went directly to the fireplace, looking at a row of frames.

In those pictures, she and her family were staring at them, oblivious about the end of the world.

He has always had a lot of respect for the Doppler’s, and not only Elisabeth and Franziska but also their parents: Peter took care of Elisabeth until his last moment on earth and he would have always been grateful to him for that, that’s why he told him that he would have had taken care of Elisabeth, after his death, he wanted Peter to die in peace, knowing that someone would have taken care of his daughter; he felt a strange feeling of affection also towards Charlotte, even though he had never met her, maybe it was because of what Elisabeth had told him about her. He just knew that they were amazing, caring people, and that was enough. Sometimes he envied Elisabeth for the unconditional love she had experienced.

_ It doesn’t even seem my life, anymore _ Elisabeth admitted, caressing his mother’s face through the glass, in one of those moments of awareness that made her seem so much older and wiser than him _ It’s so strange to believe that once I was this happy: a girl whose first problem was to convince her mother to let her wear what she wanted. That time doesn’t exist, anymore _

Noah softly took her by her chin, making her look at him.

_ Of course it still exists, somewhere, somewhen.  _ He tried to reassure her.

She nodded, but he could tell that she didn’t believe him.

_ Remember what you told me about the stars? _ He persisted _ The stars that we see right now have probably been dead since a long time, but they still exist for us. _

She wiped a silent tear on her cheek.

_ I’ve always wanted to ask you about her  _ she admitted  _ but I was too afraid _

Noah sighed, it wasn't necessary to ask who she was talking about, he perfectly knew it. 

_ Lis, she is fine, perfectly fine. If I only knew that that was your fear I would have told you long ago _

_ Really? _ She asked, looking at him with a hopeful look  _ Please, don’t lie to me _

_ I would never lie to you about anything, especially something like this  _ he declared.

_ Tell me about her  _ Elisabeth requested,  _ please _

_ She was like a mother to me, especially after my mother died _ he told her  _ she even taught me to read _

_ Did she have a family? _

Noah let out a little chuckle, nodding.

_ She had a husband, even though they weren’t properly married, but everybody pretended to not knowing it  _ he replied, remembering how people kept talking behind Franziska’s back and how she loved to make them mad  _ his husband was called Magnus _

Elisabeth rolled her eyes, upset  _ please don’t tell me that she was still with Magnus Nielsen _

_ Why?  _ He asked, giggling.

_ He is an idiot  _ Elisabeth explained  _ always with that expression on his face. A cold fish. She definitely deserved better _

_ Believe me, he is a nice man and he really loved her _ he pointed out _ he was my godfather _

Elisabeth looked back at the photos on the fireplace, touching her sister’s red hair in the photo. 

_ You know _ Noah told her  My _ sister had been the first girl in Winden to go to school  _ _ because Franziska literally threatened the teachers to accept her in school, and after Agnes, tens of other little girls started to go to school _

Elisabeth chuckled  _ I’m not surprised. When I was five, I used to go to a normal school and a boy was always making fun of me because I couldn’t hear. When she found out about it, she unscrewed the pedals of his new bike _

_ Typical of her  _ he admitted.

_ She…  _ he continued, then  _ she told me about you, once _

She quickly turned her neck towards him, her eyes fixed in his with a suspicious look.

_ You’re lying _

Noah shook his head.

_ One day I ran to their house after a fight with my sister, and she said that once she had a sister and that they used to fight a lot. But now that she couldn’t see her anymore she had realized how trivial were the things they were fighting for. She even mentioned a… I don’t know how is it called, but she said that it was something that made her lips red, something similar _

Elisabeth closed her eyes, slowly.

_ I need to sit  _ she said, sitting on the grizzled sofa that once had probably been white.

She put her head between her knees, breathing deeply; after she didn’t even know how much time, he felt Noah kneeling in front of her, taking her face in his hands.

_ Are you fine? _ He asked, with a worried look, his eyes fathoming every centimeter of her face.

She wanted to nod, she desperately wanted to tell him that she was fine, that she was strong enough to bear all of that, but she wasn’t. She wanted to be strong for him, but it was getting harder and harder every day.

_ I miss them  _ she admitted, sighing  _ I miss my life, I miss when I hadn’t to dig a tunnel every single day of my life and my worst problem was doing math homework. Sometimes I just want to go to sleep and wake up in my old life _

Noah sighed, coming closer. 

_T_ _ he passage… _

_ Yeah, the passage will open and we will be saved _ she foresaw his words _ but we’ve been here for three years and I don’t see any savior here. _

“ _ We can’t lose hope. If we lose hope we’ve already failed. Maybe we will never be in paradise, maybe it doesn’t even exist, but we will try as hard as we can to find it”  _ he said to her  _ those were your words _

She remained silent, clenching her jaw. Then she suddenly stood up, without saying anything, making him lose his balance and fall to the floor.

_ Let’s go  _ she announced  _ it’s getting dark out there _

They walked to the cave in silence, with their hands in their pockets and the head lowered, the gaze fixed on their shoes.

When they had crossed the border between the city and the forest, she had already regretted saying those things to him, before.

The last thing she wanted was to hurt him, but that’s exactly what she did, behaving like that: she threw at him all of her problems, like they were his fault, while he was literally the only reason she was alive.

In all those years he had protected her, reassured her, helped her in every way, he didn’t deserve those words.

They arrived at the caves just in time before the rain started to pour. Noah started mechanically to unpack his backpack on the plastic carpet they ha put in the center of the cave.

_ Are you hungry?  _ She asked.

He didn’t even reply, too busy unpacking the things they took during their trip, but she knew that he was just ignoring her, she was right in front of him, he couldn’t not notice her.

She waved her hand under his eyes and he lifted his gaze towards her with a bothered look, sighing.

_ What?  _

_ Are you hungry? _

He shook his head, turning back at his backpack.

_ I think I’ll go to sleep  _ he admitted  _ I’m tired _

_ But… it’s barely 8 o’clock! _

_ It’s been a very long day _

And like that, without even saying goodnight, he walked to his bedroll and laid there, covering himself up to his ears, giving her his back.

She remained alone in the cave, eating her tasteless lentils soup in front of the fireplace that Noah taught her how to light.

She gave a look at the cave, it wasn’t barren and gray anymore, every corner showed something of their life in there: on a wall, there was a white sheet on which they took count of their chess tournament, another thing Noah taught her, and he was the one who insisted on taking note of their points because he was afraid that she would have cheated.

And he was right.

In those three years after the apocalypse, she had been hungry, tired, scared, she had fallen asleep crying and waken up in tears the morning after, but she also had laughed until losing her breath when she had to explain to Noah what a dinosaur was and had to show him a book from the public library because he didn’t believe her. And he was always there, when she was crying and when she was laughing, he was there. 

On that plastic carpet, he had talked about his life during the war and she realized for the first time that the war had really happened, it wasn’t only something that she had studied in school, it was real and had affected someone’s life.

He had shown her how big and mysterious was the world and how many different existences existed.

When, many hours before, she said that sometimes she wanted to wake up in her life, she should have specified that she wanted him with her, in that life. But how could she have said that without explaining him everything? Without explaining that she was starting to look at him in a whole different way, taking every chance to look at him by stealth, like that afternoon, when he was wearing that red sweater. He almost caught her while she was looking captured at the muscles of his shoulder leaping under his skin.

She was too proud to apologize, she couldn’t even tell him he looked good in that sweater without blushing, so she took her bloc-note and started writing.

When Noah woke up, it was still dark outside, he gave a look at Elisabeth, who was sleeping in her bedroll, put at right angles to his.

He sighed, looking at her peacefully sleeping, feeling guilty because after all those years together, she was still unhappy. There wasn’t anything he could do, she would have always missed old her life, she would have always exchanged him for her family without blinking.

The story of his life: loving someone who would have preferred being somewhere else.

He rose, groaning, and walked towards the fireplace, where a little pot was put on the portable stove: he was hungry, but he had no strength to cook.

He frowned when he noticed a little piece of paper on the lid. A brief smile appeared on his mouth when he recognized her neat handwriting.

**I know you said you weren’t hungry, but I made more soup anyway, in case you woke up hungry.**

**PS. I’m really sorry for what I said and did before. I was sad and angry, and sometimes when I’m sad and angry I say things I don’t mean. I miss my family and I would give anything to meet them again, but don’t believe that I don’t like our life together here, because I do. And I hope I won’t wake up in my bed tomorrow because I want to crash you at chess for a while longer.**

**I can’t imagine someone better to spend the end of the world with**

He smiled, looking at the little figure sleeping all curled up, and fixed a tuft of hair that was covering her face, putting it behind her ear: she was right, though, it had been three years since the apocalypse, and yet they hadn’t heard anything from the savior.

At the point, he knew he had to find him.

He had to find Jonas Kahnwald.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you for the lovely comments under my last chapter, they were all so sweet.   
> Let me know if you liked this chapter as well!


	4. A stranger who is a friend

_Can you stay still for one minute?_

Elisabeth asked, groaning in frustration and taking Noah’s head in her hands, stopping him from moving. 

He smiled and chuckled with his eyes still closed, mouthing  _sorry_ with his lips, since he couldn’t sign when they were so close; she was perfectly capable to read his lips, anyway, especially when she was a few centimeters away from his face. 

The scissors in her right hand cut another strand of fine hair, that fell on the floor, and Noah had to squint his eyes.

_Don’t make me look like the village fool,_ he recommended, opening only one eye to look at her reaction.

After a brief giggle, she moved away a bit only to sign _Too late_

N oah shook his head with an amused smile and then closed his eyes again, letting her come close to continue her work. 

After their fight, when they visited Doppler’s house, three months before, it was like they had silently agreed to not concentrate any more on the lives they left behind their backs, and instead, enjoy the little things they had, the little joys of their lives, and they discovered that they were a lot: lighting a bonfire outside the cave when the evening was warm, or  playing soccer in the woods, using the trees as goals, or reading books together, one of them reading in sign language to the other, taking turns. 

And even that day, a rainy Sunday morning, that was leading the way to a cold winter, while she was cutting his hair, she felt in peace, watching him try to stay still but holding his breath whenever she cut a strand near to his face, tensing up at the sound of the scissors, tightening his fingers around the hem of his sweater, making her smile.

He was beautiful.

It was something she had always known, maybe even the first thing she noticed. Even if the world was ending, she noticed the beautiful boy in the bunker with her, forcing herself to not look at him because it was rude. But now  he had his eyes closed, and she could look at him as she wanted, following the line of his nose, or the solid angle of his jawline.

“Have you done?” he asked, impatiently, speaking slowly to let her read his lips.

Besides her family, he was the only one who tried to do everything to ease her life; even Franziska, sometimes, used to speak so fast it was impossible for her to see what she was telling her, or saying “nothing” when she asked to repeat. Noah had _never_ said “nothing” to her, neither once, neither when they had to share a bloc-note to talk, he had never made her feel misunderstood, it didn’t matter if they were talking two completely different languages, she had always felt understood. 

_ A lmost  _ she said  _ Lower your head _

He quickly obeyed, letting her pour the water on his head, shivering under the cold water; while he was with his head still down, she took a towel and put it on his hair, rubbing them.

She made him lift the head, keeping rubbing the towel on his forehead and on the temples: it was cold outside and they didn’t have a blow-dryer, so she wanted to make sure that his hair was dry, before making him catch a cold.

Her heart skipped a beat when he suddenly opened his eyes, a mixture of green and gray, and looked at her smiling: they were close,  _very_ close, she realized while a lump was preventing her to swallow, or to breathe, or to think. 

_ What?  _ He said, moving away to sign. 

That distance allowed her to start thinking again so she quickly shook her head, adding a little more distance.

_Nothing_ she said  _I… I almost forgot that your hair was blond_

He blinked, surprised by the declaration.

 _I think it’s normal since they are always dirty_ he admitted, passing distractedly his hand on his nape.

Elisabeth nodded, blushing a little bit, and stood up.

 _Are you hungry?_ She asked, changing the topic _I’m starving_

Those were his favorite evenings.

It was fun when they spent the evening playing chess or talking until midnight, or when he taught her to do shadow puppets on the cave’s walls: but it was even more special when they could simply sit in silence, in front of the fire, enjoying the quiet atmosphere of the night.

Elisabeth was sitting in front of him, her nose buried in the pages of a large book put on her bent knees. A few months before, she had finally decided to study again, so she took many books from the library, and kept studying by herself. She said that, if the apocalypse had never happened, she should have been in high school, by now. 

And through her books, he found out what would have happened in the future, in his time, and his thoughts flew immediately on Agnes.

He hated thinking that she would have had to face another war all alone: she was just a child when the Great War  completely disrupted their life,  and neither of them had been able to sleep well, after, their ears always tensed up to hear the far buzz of the planes. 

S ometimes, he could still hear them: he still woke up thinking he was about to die, his skin covered in a cold sweat, his neck and his nape all sticky, his lungs unable to work, his heart ready to come out of his chest. 

And in those nights, he was happy he could turn his head and find her there, next to him, her blonde hair spread all over the pillow. She was there, and that meant everything was fine.

Elisabeth sighed, slowly stretching her neck,  her eyes closed. 

_ How is it going?  _ He asked when she opened them. 

She shook her head and rolled her eyes in a comic frustrated expression.

_Remind me why I?m doing this to myself._

He giggled, squinting his eyes while pretending to think about it.

_so we don't have to die, I think._

After three years from the apocalypse, they were running of canned goods: the previous month they both had food poisoning because of a can of chickpeas, and that was when they realized they had to grow a vegetable garden, somehow in that harsh environment; and even worse, they were running out of medicines, so she was trying  to grow also some herbal medicines as well. He wanted to help her, but he didn’t even know what an antibiotic was, so he was pretty useless. 

_ O h, right!  _ She said, touching her forehead  in a comic gesture  as if she had just remembered it. 

After a brief smile, he looked at the notebook in which he wrote their progress .

H e was desperately trying to find that damned Jonas Kahnwald but he didn’t seem to be anywhere. 

He had to be there, he had to be alive, Noah knew it. But how can you find someone in a ghost city like Winden?

In the morning, when the sun was slowly rising over the trees outside the caves, he wore his coat and his backpack, ready to leave in search of Jonas.

Before leaving, he left a note near Elisabeth’s hand.

**I went searching for food, I’ll be home in the afternoon.**

**Be careful.**

He hated lying to Elisabeth: first of all, she trusted him, and not telling the truth about his daily trips was a low blow, he knew that; second of all, their relationship had improved a lot in the last months, they were happy and serene, slowly building a new life together, and the last thing was to ruin all of that for a stupid lie,  especially because, in lives like theirs, trust it’s all you have.

H e could have told everything to her, he didn’t have anything to hide, but the thing was that he didn’t want to deceive her by saying that they were close to paradise, when he couldn’t even find their savior.

Furthermore, and that was the most disturbing thing, he wasn’t so sure about the existence of a paradise, anymore. In the last years, he had reassured her with the words he grew up with, but, year after year, his faith was becoming weaker and weaker.

It was like, afar from Adam, his father, Magnus, and all the travelers,  his mind was finally free to think by itself. And thought itself terrified him. 

_ I hope eventually the day will come, where you won’t believe everything Adam tells you. _

It couldn’t be true, he didn't dedicate all his life for a dream that was nothing more than a delusion. There must be a paradise, somewhere, somewhen, in which he could see again his mother, his sister; his father, even. Maybe he would have finally had the chance to ask him sorry or ask him why he hated him so much . If his father had always known where they were going to end. 

H e couldn’t lose hope, he couldn’t; he had to firmly believe that a paradise was possible, and he had to find it and bring Elisabeth there. 

When he stopped, he was in front of a little house, the roof half destroyed by the explosion and the years passing by.

He had already met Jonas there, the future best friend he didn’t know anything about, yet.

After a long sigh, knowing that it was probably going to be another dead end, he broke into the house.

It was impossible that someone could live in that dump, but at least it was something to begin with.

Taking his time, he gave a look to all the photos on the walls, and his heart stopped in front of a frame of Jonas with an arm over his father’s shoulder, in a time before travels, caves, tunnels and all of that, just two  smiling boys, thinking their life would always be easy. 

Will he betray him like he betrayed his father?

No.

Adam never betrayed his father, it was his father who had lost his faith, just like he was doing. Maybe that’s why Jonas will betray him, because he will lose his faith.

A clear noise stopped the stream of his thoughts and he quickly ran upstairs.

The last thing he expected was to actually find Jonas there, the guy he had been searching for all that time.

But he had to rethink about it: because the very last thing he expected was to find him hanging, his mouth open, longing for air. After a brief moment of surprise, Noah quickly took his knife and cut the rope that was killing Jonas, who fell on the ground with a groan.

The rope was still tightened around his throat, preventing him from breathing, so Noah came closer to help him loosening it.

As soon as he started to breathe again, Jonas pushed him away, standing on his feet and looking at him with a shocked look.

“what are you doing here?” he asked. His voice was broken and he knew that he had come just in time, another few seconds and Jonas would have been gone. But then he remembered that it wasn’t possible, that it was written that he would have come and saved him, that that scene was probably already happened an infinite amount of times.

Maybe Adam was right. It was all true.

They were sat in Jonas’ kitchen: his mind flew to the day he and Elisabeth met there, and couldn’t hold a smile.

“you’re bleeding” Noah considered, coming closer “you should disinfect it”

“why?” Jonas asked, “I won’t die anyway, so…”

“that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take care of yourself”

Jonas clenched his jaw, looking away. Since the first time he met him, he had always seemed the saddest men alive, like he was trapped in the life like a rat in a cage, desperate to escape.

“come with me” Noah proposed “Elisabeth will disinfect your neck”

The boy frowned “wait, Elisabeth? Elisabeth Doppler?”

Noah nodded.

“what do you mean?” he asked, standing up and taking him by the collar of his coat, slamming him against the fridge “you have Elisabeth? What have you done to her?”

His heart sank in his chest while a blind terror took all his body.

Jonas knew his old self, what kind of man could he be to make him ask that question?

“I don’t have _anyone”_ Noah replied, breathing heavily “we… she just lives with me, that’s it”

“if you hurt her…”

“I would _never_ hurt her. Never _”_ the other promised “she is fine”

“I don’t trust you” Jonas replied, harsh “bring me to her”

He finally left him and one of the frames on the wall fell down at his feet. Noah took it from the floor and his father’s face looked at him just like before.

“what?” Jonas asked, “do you know him?”

Noah swallowed, letting go of the photo that fell on the ground.

“He was my father” he replied, almost casually.

“what?” he was shocked, and Noah knew he really didn’t know it “but… that’s... that's impossible”

“I don’t know if someone had told you” Noah admitted, finally lifting his eyes from the frame on the floor to the light eyes of the boy in front of him “but people in Winden travel in time”

T hey arrived at the caves when the sun was almost gone and he knew Elisabeth would have  gone on a rampage, and he would have probably done the same if she had disappeared for an entire day. 

“Stay here” Noah told him.

It had been three years since they had talked to another human being, and the last man Elisabeth had talked to was the man who killed her father, he didn’t know how she would have reacted at the sight of someone new.

Noah entered first, blinking his flashlight, the signal he had arrived.

Elisabeth was waiting for him with her arms crossed and a livid expression on her face.

She stood up the second she had seen him, coming closer to him.

_Have you lost your mind or something?! You said you would have been here by the afternoon! Do you know how much I was worried?!_

He knew she would be screaming at him if she only could. 

He calmly took her by her arms.

_ Sorry, I’m sorry  _ he said  _ but I… I met someone _

She frowned, confused.

_What? Who?_

“come in!” he said.

Noah looked at her closely, afraid of her reaction, and when she had realized who was in front of her, she put both her hands on her mouth, shaking her head, and then run towards Jonas, diving in his arms.

The boy returned the embrace, putting one hand on her back and the other in her hair, and nothing could have prepared him for what he felt after seeing Elisabeth in someone else’s arms.

Something in his stomach twitched, while his fist tightened around the flashlight he was still holding and his jaw was hurting for how much he had kept it clenched.

It took her six months to just _smile_ at him and even a year to hug him, even though they were living together; and now she ran in the arms of a boy she barely knew?

Or maybe Jonas wasn’t only one of her sister’s friend, maybe there was more: Elisabeth once told him that she had a boyfriend, maybe he was her boyfriend. 

Finally, they separated, and Noah realized they were both crying, smiling at each other.

Elisabeth proceeded immediately to disinfect and bandage his wound.

_Are you sure you are okay?_ She asked with a worried look. 

Jonas looked at Noah with an interrogative look, raising his eyebrows.

“she asks if you’re okay” Noah translated for her.

Acting as a bridge between them was bothering in a way he couldn’t even explain: he had learned sign language to talk to her and they even had to write their conversations on a bloc-note. He still had all of those bloc-notes.

J onas nodded, smiling, the first time he had seen him smiling and it was for Elisabeth. 

He hated seeing how Jonas was happier there, he didn’t even seem the boy who had tried to kill himself that same afternoon.

He couldn’t stand anything more, so he stood up, walking away.

_ I’m taking the wood for the fire  _ he signed to Elisabeth without worrying about translating it for Jonas. 

If  Jonas wanted to talk to her he would have had to make an effort, just like  _he_ did. 

Jonas didn’t wait for even a second after Noah had disappeared outside the caves before talking to Elisabeth.

“How are you?” he asked, slowly “did he hurt you?”

_ Noah?!  _ Sh e asked, moving her mouth, frowning like that was the strangest question someone had ever asked her. 

She took her bloc-note and started writing.

**He saved me**

Jonas read the note with a surprised look, but also relieved.

**You** **shouldn’t** **stay** **with him, come live with me**

Elisabeth energetically shook her head, squinting her little eyes.

**Thank you, but I’ll stay here.**

Jonas sighed, looking at her with a patient look. The same look everyone had when they were thinking she wasn’t able to take care of herself, a look that she had never seen on Noah, even when they didn’t agree on something, which was pretty common.

**If you’re afraid of him, I can keep you safe**

Elisabeth shook her head again.

**I’m not afraid of him. He is my family, and I’ve already lost too many people I love. I’m not letting him go for any reason.**

Jonas looked at her with a mixture of compassion and sadness, which bothered her a little: he was just trying to protect her, she knew that, but that desire came from the assumption that she wasn’t smart enough to take care of herself, which she knew she was. 

** Are you sure? **

She nodded, looking directly at his eyes. She wanted him to know how sure she was.

** You don’t know him, not as I do **

When Noah came back with his arms full of firewood, the same firewood they had been collecting all summer, the topic was closed, and Jonas seemed a little relieved.

Noah regretted leaving them alone in the exact moment he put a step outside, and for a moment he even had the fear that they could have been gone when he had returned in the cave.

Elisabeth kept smiling at Jonas, who even laughed in more than one occasion, his shoulders moving up and down as he chuckled, talking about their memories of a time he had never seen.

Noah had never felt so stupid in his entire life: he deliberately went searching for a guy he knew would have betrayed him, and his mind was wondering for the first time not only  _why_ would he betray me, but also  _how._

Would Elisabeth be involved in all of that?

It was pretty obvious: she was pretty much the only thing he cared about, there wasn’t anything that Jonas could take from him besides her,  and maybe that’s why she wasn't with his older self, when he had met him.

And it was his fault: he was the one who had started everything. 

“I think it’s a little late” Jonas finally admitted “maybe it’s better if I go home”

Noah had to bit his tongue to prevent himself from saying anything mean. 

Elisabeth hugged him one more time, before he left, and Noah almost missed a brief nod from Jonas, who was clearly inviting him to follow him outside.

He followed him, reluctantly: he just wanted to turn back time and never bring him in their life. 

The night was cold and the only light was the bright moon in the sky, making everything look like silver. 

“thank you for saving my life, today” Jonas muttered, looking at his boots while playing with a rock “I’m sorry for what I told you”

Noah quickly turned his head towards him and couldn’t help but ask:

“Why did you say those things?” he said “I know you met my older self. What has he done?”

Jonas sighed “I can’t tell you much, you know. But… Just... you’re not like him”

“why?”

The boy looked at the cave, biting his lips “Elisabeth… she is not just safe with you, she is happy” he said, dodging the question. 

“she is not” Noah contradicted him “this is not a place for her, she deserves better. That’s why you have to help us”

“I can’t, don’t you understand? I’m trying but I can’t… I’m not strong enough”

“everyone is strong enough when they know where they are going, and _why_ they are going. You haven’t lost hope, you’ve lost your aim” 

“Maybe…” Jonas admitted, his eyes filled again with tears. 

“think about it” Noah insisted, knowing that he was probably clearing the way to his treason and he was probably going to lose Elisabeth forever “a world where all of you mistakes are forgotten, and the dead live”

The last words made Jonas lift his head, a little spark of hope in his eyes. 

“see you tomorrow,” Jonas said, nodding “at the nuclear power plant”

Noah nodded with a serious smile on his face and then turned back to the caves. 

He found Elisabeth sat on her bed: they had stopped using bedrolls and replaced them with real beds made of grass and straw.

_ I’m happy that you found him  _

She admitted, with a large smile on her face, it was almost painful for him to watch it, now that he knew how things were probably going to turn out.

_ Yeah, I could tell _

He couldn’t hide  how bothered he was , not with her. 

She looked down, pensive.

_ He asked me to go  live with him _

Noah clenched his fist around the hem of the sheets, licking his lips and blinking his eyes: he couldn’t even tell if he was more upset, surprised, jealous, or simply sad. He thought he still had more years with her, he wasn’t ready to let her go that soon, there was so much she could have taught him, showed him, he thought he could see her reading in the evening in front of the fireplace for a little bit longer.

_ I would understand if you want to go  _ he declared, pronouncing the most difficult words he had ever said. 

_ I said no  _

His neck hurt for how much quickly he turned it to see her.

_ What? _

She shrugged. 

_ What did you tell him?  _ Noah asked, trying to not seem so much involved. 

She shrugged again. 

_ Just the truth  _ she admitted, smiling  _ that you wouldn’t last a day without me _

Noah smiled, but then he turned serious, shaking his head. 

_ You can go if you want, you don’t have to be stuck with me forever _

She frowned, standing up and coming closer to him, he didn’t have the courage to look at her until she was practically in front of him, kneeled next to his bed. She took him by his chin and made him look at her.

_ What makes you think that I’m stuck with you? _

He shrugged, concentrating to breathe.

_ I don’t know _

_ This is not something that has just happened to me  _ she pointed out, her eyes softly looking at him  _ I want to stay here. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, you'd better remember it _

He smiled, awkwardly, nodding. 

_ I’ll try to keep it in mind _

She smiled and came closer to him and he unconsciously held his breath, while she posed a brief kiss on his cheek. Her lips felt warm and soft against his skin. 

_ Goodnight _

And as if nothing was, she stood up, returning to her bed and switching off her flashlight, leaving him in his bed, alone, with his mind buzzing and his heart pounding. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you again for the amazing comments on the previous chapter, I hope you liked this as well. Let me know!


	5. At my weakest

Noah wished things could be simple again.

He knew it was impossible to live in close proximity with someone and never disagree on something. 

Even Magnus and Franziska, the happiest couple he had ever known, used to fight sometimes. A lot, actually.

He just wished it could be different for him and Elisabeth: he hated to fight with her.

_ Just one reason  _ she said, standing in front of him with a resolute look in her eyes  _ give me just one reason why I can’t come with you _

He didn’t even know when it had started, but suddenly she didn’t agree with anything he said.

_ Lis, I don’t know why we're talking about it  _ he admitted  _ I’ll be here in a few hours _

_ And why can’t I come with you?  _ She asked, insisting. It was impossible to avoid her questions, she would have detected his answer anyway, forcing him to say it.

_ I told you,  _ he repeated,  _ It’s dangerous _

Since they couldn’t eat canned food anymore, they had to start hunting: it was hard because the animals were… well, they weren’t meek like before the apocalypse, the evolution saved only the stronger ones; and they knew that there were some human colonies, around the city, and they were desperate for food.

_ If it’s dangerous for me, it will be dangerous for you as well.  _

Her reply was logical, like always, but he didn’t expect her to understand.

Because how could he explain to her something he couldn’t even explain to himself?

He just knew that the only thought of her being hurt because of him was unbearable, and even though knowing that she was at the caves alone worried him, at least she wasn’t with him, at the mercy of fierce beast and even fiercer humans.

_ It’s different  _ he simply said, looking away.

She blinked, and he knew he had just said something that would have upset her.

_ Why?  _ She asked, moving her hands quickly like she always did when she was mad.

_ Because…  _ he began, unable to go on.

He would have made it alive, he saw himself at forty, but her?

Explaining to her the utter fright that he had of losing her, would have meant also explaining to her _why_ he had that fear and all the other things he felt when she was near. 

_ I knew that...  _ She said, with a look he had never seen in her eyes before. She wasn’t just mad, anymore, she was disappointed. 

_ What?  _

_ It’s different because you can hear  _ she admitted  _ that’s why you don’t want me around _

If he just was a little braver, he could have said that he always wanted her around and that every hour spent apart seemed useless to him, but he wasn’t brave. Instead, he remained upright, a confused look in his eyes.

_ Forget about it  _ she said, turning around and coming back at her books.

She was still trying to find a way to grow something in that world but with poor results: nothing survived there, and the few things that they could grow weren’t enough to feed them all. Even Elisabeth’s stubbornness started wavering.

_ Lis…  _ he said, coming closer, but she stepped back, looking at him with a cold look. 

_ Just...  _ she signed  _ Just go away, Noah _

She opened her notebook and started rereading her old notes, ignoring him, and all he could do was sighing and going away before it was too late.

Noah closed his eyes the moment the sun reached his face, outside of the caves, sighing and lifting his head.

He was so stupid.

He could have simply said the truth:

_ You can’t come with me because you’re the most important thing in my life and I hate the thought of you in danger. I would do anything to keep you safe, even making me hate by you.  _

But talking about how he felt, or what he thought, was something he had never been able to do.

Walking outside the caves, his eyes lingered to a spot.

It was empty, there wasn’t anything that made it special, not a peculiar rock or a plant, nothing, but he could always recognize it, he didn’t even know how, but whenever his gaze casually fell on that spot, something tightened around his throat, something only he could see.

He closed his eyes, breathing deeply, exactly how Elisabeth taught him: when he opened his eyes, he made a last breath and fixed his shotgun around his shoulder and started walking.

Elisabeth threw away her notebook in the instant Noah walked away and couldn’t hear her anymore, groaning in frustration.

She was useless, once again.

Everyone was trying to get them out of there: Noah, Jonas, and Claudia were working every day; she understood nothing about time travel, quantum physics, and all those things, the only thing she could do was to find a way to keep them alive while they were there, and she was failing.

She needed more space, soil, sun... how could they make grow something in a cave?

So, because of her failure, Noah had to go hunting, risking his life, while she was staying inside, useless. She wasn’t even able to protect him the way she wanted.

But at that moment, she was furious with him: he was the only one who had never made her feel different, or defective, with him she felt whole for the first time outside of her family, was he lying all that time? Had he always thought that she was just a deaf girl to take care of to live in peace with his conscience?

She didn’t even know what was worse, that, or the fact that he would have always seen her like a child, a little girl that wasn’t doing anything useful.

To him, she would always be the little girl he had found all shaking and terrified, that he used to hug at night when she had nightmares, the girl who asked to keep the light on because she was afraid of the dark.

But she didn’t feel like a child, anymore, she had her sister’s age when they saw each other for the last time, and to her, Noah wasn’t just the boy who saved her, she was grown and her feelings were grown with her. And it was getting harder and harder to hide what she felt when he was around.

She couldn’t stand a chance with him, she knew, and she was also smart enough to recognize how dangerous it was to have a crush on the last man on earth, how it could have ruined everything they had been building in those five years but it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t easy to ignore her heartbeat when he smiled at her, or the sensation in her stomach when, one time, they were playing chess and their fingers accidentally touched.

Her feelings were changed, but he was always the same with her; sure, they had more confidence, after five years spent joined at the hip, but he kept treating her with the same kindness and affection he had always had, nothing was changed in his behavior.

She accepted that he couldn’t see her as a girl, a _real_ girl: the only thing she wanted, at that moment, was to help him, to be useful, to ease his life the way he had eased her, but she couldn’t do that, either. 

The woods that day looked not only desolate but downright dangerous.

There wasn’t anything around him, not a voice, not a sound, not even a breath of wind to remind him that he was still on the earth.

He unconsciously tightened his fingers around the trigger.

If Elisabeth had been there, it would have been ten times worse for him: he imagined her in a situation like that, with him, and his heart raced automatically. Their fights would have probably got them apart, with time, but she was safe in the caves instead of that nightmare made of mist and silence and he was okay with that.

The mist that was surrounding him made it impossible to see anything, all he could see were the dark trunks of the trees, and the farthest were frighteningly similar to distorted human figures watching over him, and he regretted the nights spent telling horror stories around the fireplace with Jonas and Elisabeth.

A sharp but well audible sound made him turn around, but all he could see were the silvery clouds tightening around him until he heard the exact same sound in the opposite direction.

And this time he could clearly see the boar coming towards him, too near to be shot. All he could do was deviate him with a swift move that made him lost his balance, falling on a downhill.

He started rolling, too fast to stop, the leaves and the twigs scratching his body and his face, and he thought that he would have never stopped his descent until he slammed on something hard, that he couldn’t see with his eyes closed but he presumed it was a tree or a rock, and his sight became blurrier and blurrier.

The light was fading while Elisabeth sat outside the caves, biting her nails, counting the seconds.

It wasn’t like him.

He knew the rules: they had to stay in the caves after the twilight. There were too many things that could happen in those woods after the sun came down.

The sky was getting darker by the minute and she hoped that the time could slow down, to make him come back.

She started asking herself what to do if he didn’t come back: wait for him inside and come find him in the morning? Probably what Noah would have wanted, but she would have never been patient enough to wait until morning; calling Jonas? A useless waste of time, with Noah alone out there in the darkness; taking courage and going find him? Noah would have killed her, surely, but she knew that that was the best solution. She would have preferred facing his hatred for the rest of their life if the other option was… she couldn’t even say it. 

She took her backpack, putting all the things she may have needed inside: bandages, water, disinfectant, a bloc-notes, and a clean coat for Noah. And didn’t even wait for the twilight before leaving. 

_The tavern is_ _always empty, at that hour, the few clients all gone away and all he could do is clean the tables and the pavement, before dinner, the sound of the rain as the only company._

_ He likes it there. Not the work maybe, or the tone the clients use with him, but there he has something to do, something that could keep him busy and out of home. _

“ _Hanno, go home,_ _”_ _Erna says while cleaning the glasses “you’ve been here for over a day, your father is probably wondering where you are”_

“ _I still have to prepare the rooms for the night” he complains._

_ The woman smiles at him and sighs, coming next to him and kneeling to reach his height “you’ve been very good today, but a child should rest a little”  _

_ She rummages in the front pocket of her apron and gives him a few coins, enough to buy some candies at the store.  _

“ _see you tomorrow, all right?”_

He woke up in the darkness, the sun was already set and the moonlight couldn’t break through the thick blanket of trees that covered him. He was alive, at least, but every single inch of his body was aching and every breath made him feel like thousands of needles were pinching him.

When he tried to move and get back on his feet a blind pain from his leg hit him and all he could do was faint, rolling his eyes back and losing his senses.

She was starting to understand why he didn’t want her there with him. It was terrifying, the night was dark and her flashlight could only brightening a little circumference, beyond the which there was only darkness.

The brief moments she had to switch off the light were frightening, but it was the only way for her to call him.

His name in Morse code.

The only thing she knew was that he had been attacked by an animal because the soil was covered by animal prints, maybe a boar; and she had to continuously remind herself that there wasn’t blood, but she could feel the fear flowing inside her veins, picturing the worst scenarios.

Their last conversation was a fight, a stupid fight she had already regretted. He was only trying to protect her, just like she was trying to protect him at that moment.

Would have been different if she only had gone with him, that afternoon?

_ It’s still raining when he arrives at home. _

_ His father is outside, trying to fix that car he seems to love so much; probably that car has seen his father more than him.  _

_ The man gives a quick look at him, from the head to the toe and then comes back at his car, he isn’t even sure if he has said or done something similar to a greeting. _

_ He swallows.  _

“ _W-what are you doing?” he asks his father._

“ _what do you think?” the man replies, without looking at him._

_ After a brief nod, he dares to come closer.  _

“ _C-can I help you?”_

“ _No”_

“ _maybe you can teach…”_

_ The phrase remains incomplete since his father finally raises his eyes from the engine and looks at him rolling his eyes and sighing.  _

“ _Why are you here?” the man asks with a neutral tone “don’t you have something to do at the tavern?”_

_ He swallows and then nods, walking away. _

He opened his eyes, not knowing how much time has passed since he had been there. Hours? Minutes?

This time he knew he couldn’t move, if he didn’t want to faint again, so he stayed still, looking at the branches of the trees drawing silhouettes in the sky.

All alone, with his body aching everywhere, and the darkness surrounding him, he forgot that he couldn’t die and he started thinking that those were his last hours on earth.

Elisabeth.

Their last conversation was a fight, after years of laughter and happy moments, their last memory of each other was a fight.

His life kept surprising him for how ironic it was.

That could have been his last night in that earth and he would have died without letting her know how much important she was to him, without letting her know that he has spent an entire night thinking about the time when their fingers accidentally touched while playing chess, without letting her know that many years before a stranger had come in his life and told him that he would have loved her and he didn’t even believe him until he saw her for the first time.

He wondered if she was worried for him or if she was searching for him: he hoped she was still in the caves, in front of the fire, safe, but he knew that it was pretty unlikely.

Suddenly, a yellow light hit the branches of the trees he had been looking at for hours.

A flashlight. A flashlight that was spelling his name in Morse code. She had come to him.

Her fingers were pushing the button by themselves, mechanically repeating his name, while she was looking around, he should have been near, because his footprints brought her there.

At that moment, she was grateful for her great sight, and her quick reflexes, but she couldn’t see him, anyway.

Trying to not panic was getting impossible, while she was walking around, holding back the tears, but a distant light caught her attention.

She turned, waiting for what felt like years for that light to come back, to be sure that she wasn't just delusional, to be sure that someone had really spelled her name in Morse code.

And so it was.

Her brain didn’t even need to think, because without realizing it, she was running towards that light, running through a dark downhill, trying not to stumble, following that flash of light that seemed nearer every step forward.

All her life flashed in front of her eyes when the flashlight showed a body laid on the ground, under a big tree, immobile, so she ran even faster.

She kneeled in front of him, sighing in relief when she found him conscious.

He was still whole, covered in dirt and bruises, but alive.

_ Elisabeth,  _ he saw him saying, reading his lips.

She nodded, and shamelessly put a hand on his cheek, caressing his face that didn’t even seem his, looking like that.

They couldn’t talk, because the darkness prevented them to see anything, so she took the bloc-notes from the backpack and wrote:

**Are you okay?**

He nodded, a grimace of pain appearing on his face.

**I’ll take you out of here**

She showed him the note and then proceed to help him stand.

The only thing that worried her was his leg: he must have slammed with his shin on that tree. His trousers were all covered in blood, and while she was cutting it, she prayed that the fracture wasn’t too bad.

The blood completely covered his shin and his calf, but the fracture didn't look serious, fortunately.

She cleaned the wound better than she could with water and disinfectant, trying to not look at his face in pain, thanking God that she couldn’t hear him.

When she dared to look at him, he was immobile, with his eyes closed and his chest going slowly up and down.

_ The rain is even worse when Magnus and Franziska bring him home. _

“ _he is just a child, you idiot!” he hears Franziska screams to a man that isn’t even looking at her, giving her his back, bent on a wooden table, apparently careless of what she is saying._

“ _shhh” Magnus tries to say, putting a hand on his wife’s arm but she pushes him away with a move._

“ _leave me”_

_ He shouldn’t be there, he knows. His father sent him to bed an hour ago, but the screams woke him up, making him going under to see what was happening, seeing the scene crouched behind the stairs. _

“ _Bartosz I’m serious,” she says to his father, coming closer and facing him “your family needs you, your son needs you”_

“ _you don’t know him” the man replies in a whisper almost inaudible that hit him right in the chest, making him shiver._

“ _I know that boy better than you do!” Franziska points out slamming her hand on the table._

“ _No. You. Don’t” he insists, standing up._

_ Magnus stiffens, looking at the scene.  _

“ _you may know him now" he continues "the lovely orphan that no one loves, but I saw what he will become, and if you had seen him, you… you would look at him differently”_

“ _What kind of man talks like this about his son?” Magnus steps in, frowning._

“ _a man that met his son at forty years old” he simply admits, taking the jacket and going away._

Her shoulder hurt for bringing him to the caves, unconscious, a dead weight on her back, but at least he was safe, now.

She had to cut his clothes, gasping at the sight of all those scratches and bruises, doing her best to disinfect every single one of them, but what worried was still that shin. The wound was ugly and it had remained for hours in the mud _.  _ After an hour, his body was clean again and she covered him with all the blankets she could find.

Her already few hopes that that wound wasn’t infected dissolved during the night, when he started sweating, shaking, his forehead on fire, and his skin red. She tried to put a cold mop on his forehead, neck, and wrists, but it didn’t help.

She saw him move his lips, trying to say something, she looked at him closely, concentrating on his lips, thinking that he was trying to say something to her.

_ Father… _

_ Sorry… _

She closed her eyes, warm tears crossing her face, hating the fact that she couldn’t say anything to make him feel better.

_ Elisabeth… _

As quickly as she could, she took his hand in hers, comforting him in the only way she could, kissing the back of his hand.

He wouldn’t have made it, not without proper medication, like an antibiotic: her science teacher always said that before the penicillin, people died for wounds like that. His only hope,  _ her  _ only hope, was to find those antibiotics. 

_I won’t let you die,_ she signed as if he could see her, _I promise_

  
  


_ I hope eventually the day will come, where you won’t believe everything Adam tells you. _

He woke up with a terrible taste in his mouth, his mouth seemed dry and powdery, his tongue slowly moving against his teeth.

His body at that moment reminded him of a rusted gate, creaky and in pieces: he couldn’t even tell where he was and wasn’t even sure that Elisabeth really found him or maybe he had just dreamed it.

A silhouette moved next to him, his sight was blurred but he could see blonde hair and clear eyes.

“Elisabeth?” he asked, out loud. 

At that moment, it was impossible for him to move a finger, let alone signing for her.

“try again” he heard, followed by a brief chuckle. 

He opened his eyes and even if it was all misty, he was pretty sure to see who was there.

“Jonas?!” he exclaimed, blinking his eyes and frowning. 

“welcome-back” he heard him saying, with a smile “you slept for twenty-four hours… How are you?”

“I don’t know” his body was still asleep, and it would have taken a bit before the pain hit “Elisabeth…?”

“wait, I’ll take you some water” 

He could see better, now, he was in the caves, laid in his bed, he wasn't wearing the same clothes of the day he left and his leg was hanging like the sausages in Erna’s basement.

Jonas took a pillow and put it under his back, helping him to lift his torso and giving him the water bottle.

His body felt strange like it wasn’t his anymore, and he could smell the bad smell coming from him.

“Jonas…” he said after drinking half of the bottle “what are you doing here?”

“Elisabeth asked me to stay with you while she is in town taking other medicines”

“SHE IS WHERE?” Noah asked, his voice so high that his body stiffened and he moaned in pain “dammit…”

“hey... calm down, okay?” the other said, coming closer “you’re still weak”

“you…” he tried to say, but his breath was too short to let him end the phrase “you let her go in town alone?”

“she is perfectly capable to do so” his friend replied “and someone should have stayed here with you, in case you woke up”

“We have to go find her” Noah said, resolute, trying to move and escape from that trap that kept his leg still. 

“what are you doing?” the boy said, keeping him down, he took him by his shoulder. 

“Noah... look at me," he said, and the other obeyed, looking him, frowning "she will come back in less than twenty minutes and you can’t move, you can barely end a phrase”

“I swear…” he said to him “If something has happened to her…” 

“Nothing will happen to her,” Jonas said, slowly “she saved your ass, you should thank her, instead of pouting like a baby”

Noah remained silent.

“do you have any idea of what she has done to save you?”

"I don't need to be saved" Noah pointed out "I can't die, did you forget that?"

Jonas sighed and rolled his eyes "yes... because something or someone will always prevent your death. And she just did so"

"and what if she gets killed out there? Have you ever thought about that?" Noah interrogated him. 

The question remained unanswered because they both heard someone enter, moving the plastic curtains that they used as a door. 

“ _Look who’s back,_ ” Jonas said, both speaking out loud and signing for her. 

He was mad at her for having gone to town alone, and he really wanted to stay mad at her, but then he saw her standing there, tired and worried, and he felt something break inside him.

When their eyes met, a little gasp escaped from her mouth, and she covered it with her hand, running towards him and kneeling beside his bed in a swift move, catching him in a tight embrace, leaning her forehead in the spot where his neck and his shoulder met. 

At that moment, he remembered the terrible day in which he thought he wouldn’t have been able to see her again, and even though her weight was hurting his back, he kept her close, raising a hand to interlace it in her hair, trying to keep her as tight as possible to calm her sobs.

Jonas, beside them, cleared his throat, embarrassed.

“I think I’ll go” 

Elisabeth lifted her back, looking at Jonas. 

_ Thank you, _ she signed, wiping away a tear. 

The boy smiled and ruffled her hair. 

“you’re welcome,” he said, also to Noah, after a light pat on his shoulder, as he stood up “I’m glad you made it”

“thank you… sorry” he said, briefly smiling at him.

Noah followed him with his gaze, while he was going away, and when he looked at her again, she was smiling. And every trace of anger he had felt before was definitely gone.

_ How do you feel?  _

He nodded.

_ Fine _

She looked at him closely smiling.

_ You’re lying.  _

He chuckled, and that provoked a high pitch of pain in his stomach. He sighed.

_ My head hurts, my back hurts, every single spot of my body hurts  _ he admitted  _ but at least you’re here now _

He knew he would have probably regretted being so open with her, but it was difficult to keep his words to himself, after being seriously convinced that he would never see her again.

She nodded  _ I’m here  _

  
  


In the following days, his body was slowly healing, becoming more familiar day after day, but he couldn’t stand up or move in any way. So Elisabeth had to hunt, take the firewood, prepare food for them, and disinfect his wounds every day, washing the old bandages in boiling water.

At first, he was reluctant, he didn't want to be a burden for her, he offered her his help, but she always refused.

One day she laughed and said:

_ Come on, help me.  _

But he was barely capable to lift his torso, realizing that, for now, he was useless: the only thing he could do was lay there, memorizing the ceiling of the cave and watching her taking care of him.

He tried to remember the last time someone took care of him like that, and he had to go back many years when he had the measles, and Franziska and Erna took care of him.

One night, Elisabeth was changing his bandage and he was looking at her: she had her hair tied, a concentrated look on her face, mechanically dabbing his shin with a clean bandage, the leg leaned on her.

He tapped her shoulder, to catch her attention. 

_What happened to my clothes?_

She giggled, shaking the head. 

_I had to cut them to take them off_ she confessed, smiling.

 _That's a pity_ he admitted, with a fake sad look.

 _Don't tell me_ she convened, _that was my favorite sweater_

Until she was fifteen, they had shared all of their clothes, but even in those last two years, she kept stealing some of his sweaters.

 _So..._ he asked, swallowing and biting the inside of his cheek _if you did cut my clothes off, that means..._

She looked at him, raising an eyebrow and biting her lip, holding back a smile _I'm a professional if that's what you're asking_

_I don't doubt that_

She looked away, concentrating on his leg: when she brought him there, after finding him in the woods, she was too terrified of losing him to look at him in any way that wasn't strictly clinical. 

But now that he was definitely doing better... 

_ It’s almost healed  _ she said, smiling at him  _ I think you don’t need to keep your leg up like this, anymore.  _

He sighed in relief, happy: he hated to stay that position, always laid, and the first thing he did after Elisabeth freed his leg from that position, was to sit, properly sit.

_ You okay?  _ She asked. 

He nodded, even though the room was spinning around.

_ Thank you  _ he said  _ for everything _

She smiled and shrugged, her eyes were a little humid.

_ Sorry for what I said that day, that you couldn’t come with me…  _

_Noah,_ she interrupted him _I know, you don’t need to explain…_

_ I want to  _ he assured her  _ I just… I was afraid to lose you, that’s why I didn’t want you to come _

She wiped away a tear.

_ Why it’s so hard for you to understand that I have the same fear?  _

He blinked, surprised.

_ I’m terrified to lose you, as well _ she stated, firmly _ I want to protect you just how you’ve protected me all these years _

He remained silent, not knowing what to say.

_ You have taken care of me since I was twelve and I will never thank you enough for that… But I’m not that little girl anymore, I want to help you... _

_ We can help each other, from now on...  _ he suggested, almost casually, trying to hide how it felt to be looked like that by her.

She nodded and smiled, then she settled better on his bed, intertwining their legs.

_ I have to ask you something  _ she began,  _ feel free to not answer if that makes you… uncomfortable _

He nodded, his heart pounding in his chest and in his ears.

_ What… what happened to your father? _

He closed his eyes, swallowing, remembering all the dreams made during his febrile sleep.

_ You don’t have to tell… _

_ Promise me you won’t hate me  _ he said, serious.

_ Hate you?  _ She asked as if it was absurd, but the look in his face made her nod  _ I promise _

_ I… He… I…  _ it was impossible to begin a phrase like that, especially because, even though she had promised, the fear that she could hate him was still alive in his chest. She loved her parents, she would have never understood. He felt a soft touch on his knee: she was caressing him.

_ I… I killed him, just out of here  _ he said in one breath.

The smile on her face faded, and he knew that she wasn’t going to keep her promise.

_ But… why?  _

_ Adam asked me to do it. _

After her silence, he continued.

_ I know you don’t understand… sometimes I don’t, either. But… all I can say is that you’ve been so lucky to have loving parents, but for me, it wasn’t the same. He barely looked at me, making me feel like I wasn’t anything. _

Tears began to surge up into his eyes and he had to close them, taking a breath. She kept caressing his leg, to reassure him.

 _And then there_ _was Adam,_ he started again, _who… who told me that I was meant to do great things, that God’s plan included me, the boy that no one saw… And I felt important, seen… Adam gave me a role, a purpose, a dream… All things that my father never gave me._

_ Was it worth it?  _ Elisabeth asked, making the question that haunted him at night.

_ I spend every day of my life in pain for what I did…  _ he admitted, sighing, a silent tear crossing his face, reliving the terrible sensation he felt immediately after his father died,  _ So I hope it was worth it. But I regret it, anyway. I will regret it forever. Even if it may have saved the world, somehow. _

He sniffled and looked up, blinking.

_ Now you know... _ he said to her _I'm a monster_

She came closer and wiped away some of his tears, caressing his face just like she did when she found him in the woods.

_ You're not a monster,  _ she reassured him, _you saved my life..._

He blinked and other tears came down on his face.

_Don't torture yourself like this,_ y _ ou were just a boy  _ she said, moving away to sign  _ One day, you’ll be able to see him again, and you’ll forgive each other _

_ It’s hard not to think about it  _ he admitted  _ every time we are outside, I think about it _

She shrugged, softly smiling at him  _ Let’s move out, then _

_ what? _

_ I was thinking about it since a while  _ she admitted  _ we should move out, find a new home _

He smiled, between the tears  _ It would be amazing _

They remained in silence, facing each other, Elisabeth wiped away one last tear on his face and giggled.

_ Now, take some rest  _ she said, covering them both with a blanket.

_ Will you be there when I wake up? _

_ Always  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!   
> This chapter is a little bit longer than the others, and it was damn hard to write because there was so much to unravel, but I really hope you liked it!  
> Let me know if you liked it in the comments below!  
> See you soon


	6. A merry little Christmas

Elisabeth had clearly underestimated how difficult would have been to build a house on their own: it took almost six months only to find all the materials and other six months to build it, spike after spike, piece of wood after piece of wood.

The house was almost finished, they had to adjust the last few things and then they could have left definitely the caves, that in winter became so cold they couldn’t even hear their thoughts, distracted by their teeth beating.

They had to double the trips to the city, in search of materials and tools like hammers, screws, ropes and paint; in more than one time, Elisabeth really thought they would have never made it to pull up that house, and she was starting to get used at the idea that they would have had to spend another winter in the caves, but in the end, they made it, and to the end of the month they would have probably been in their new house.

Thank God they had Jonas, it couldn’t have been possible to do all that work in one year, without him; they had to work on the house during the weekends, when Jonas and Noah weren’t busy with Claudia, at the power plant.

Eventually, that would have been the last trip before going into the new house, and Elisabeth couldn’t be more excited about it.

As always when they went to the city, she was walking behind Jonas but in front of Noah, always behind her back.

Jonas turned around towards them.

“ _it’s creepy,_ ” he said out loud while signing, looking around himself in the empty aisle of the abandoned supermarket they were in.

Elisabeth nodded, with a sad look on her face: she was thinking the same.

The 1st of December. 

If the apocalypse never happened, there would have been all another atmosphere in that store, it would have been full of people and lights, the shelves filled with toys and foods, but now there was only a spooky silence.

“ _why?”_ Noah asked, his eyes flying between Elisabeth and Jonas, who looked at each other giggling.

The other boy rolled his eyes “ _what did I say, now?”_

“ _It’s Christmas”_ Jonas explained, still smiling.

Noah frowned, looking at Elisabeth.

“ _no, it’s not_ ” he pointed out “ _December it’s barely started”_

Elisabeth smiled.

_In our time, Christmas begins in November and ends in January_

Noah frowned again, trying to guess if they were playing with him.

“ _why?”_ he asked.

“ _capitalism”_ the other pointed out, then turned towards his friend and started to explain “ _capitalism is…”_

“ _I know what it is”_ Noah cut out, under the surprised gaze of Elisabeth.

Jonas kept walking in the aisle, searching for a ladder, giving them his back.

 _You really do?_ Elisabeth asked.

Noah smiled, shaking his head.

 _No,_ he admitted, biting his bottom lip, silently chuckling _but I hate it when he starts explaining things_

She gave him a shove and kept walking near him smiling at the floor.

The trip took a bit longer than they thought: they had to look in two houses and one supermarket before finding what they needed, so when they were walking back home, the sun was already slowly sinking down over the mountains in the distance.

“ _you will never make it to the caves, before the twilight”_ Jonas pointed out, looking at the sky that was slowly darkening “ _maybe it’s better if you stay at the bunker, tonight_ ”

Noah turned towards Elisabeth, who shrugged and nodded.

 _Only if you promise you won’t cook_ she said to Jonas.

“ _What?!”_ he asked, raising an eyebrow _“I am a great cook”_

She raised both of her eyebrows in a compliant expression.

_If you say so…_

The night surprised them while they were still in the woods, Elisabeth hated being outside in the dark: seeing what was around was fundamental, for her, especially because the lean trees surrounding them, with that darkness, seemed deformed human figures, the patterns on the trunks creepy faces. She took a breath, trying to remind herself that Noah was there, next to her, but it was hard to remember it when she couldn’t even see him.

Her heart stopped when she mistook the branch of a tree for a skeletal arm; without thinking, her first reaction was to grasp Noah’s wrist with both hands.

He turned to her, confused, checking if she was okay, and when their eyes met, she realized how near they were, and that she was holding his wrist; she quickly took a step back, putting a little distance between them.

 _Sorry,_ she signed, embarrassed.

But the boy smiled, shaking his head and gently taking her hand in his, intertwining their fingers together. Like always, he had understood what she needed without her saying anything, without needing to ask.

After a nod, they started walking again, Jonas a few steps ahead of them.

In the darkness, Elisabeth gave a quick look at Noah, envying his composure, because she was screaming inside, sweating under her coat: she didn’t sleep for a week after their fingers accidentally touched during a chess play, her heart couldn’t bear holding his hand like that. Even if he probably did it only to help her, it was easy for her to remember all the couples she used to watch, walking down the streets hand in hand, just like them at that moment.

It was unbelievable how their hands matched together, their fingers perfectly interlocked, and if only two minutes before she couldn’t wait to arrive at the bunker, now she was hoping that the time they arrived could never come, she wanted to stay out there as long as possible.

But after a few minutes, they were at the entrance of the bunker, and Noah quickly left her hand, helping her coming inside.

It took a while to convince Jonas to leave his house and move in the bunker: it was safer, nearer to the power plant and to their new house, and his old house was crumbling down, day after day, the roof was almost nonexistent, letting the rain falling inside, so at the end, he gave in and moved to the bunker.

Elisabeth knew he must have felt lonely there, all alone in that bunker, so they usually spent the evening there, and more than one time they even slept there, like that night, talking until they could keep their eyes open.

“ _I don’t know why it’s such a big deal for you…_ ” Noah admitted, looking at Elisabeth and Jonas “ _It’s a normal day, I don’t understand why it should be different only because Jesus was born that day. It was a day like the others in my time_ ”

 _Yeah,_ Elisabeth replied _only because Jesus wasn’t even born, when you were little_

Noah smiled and threw a crumpled napkin at her, who stopped it with her right hand and threw it back at him. He loved the way she made fun of him.

 _You don’t understand_ she said, shaking her head, _It wasn’t just a normal day, it was a time to reunite with the family, and enjoy spending time together. The streets were full of lights and music and everyone seemed happier… even my parents, who were always busy, during the Christmas holidays used to spend a lot more time with us, at home… It was beautiful_

“ _Yeah”_ Jonas convened, nodding, looking at the floor “ _But you know what I don’t miss? Those ridiculous Christmas recitals at school”_

Elisabeth nodded energetically, laughing _Oh my God you’re right! They were so boring!_

Jonas giggled for a second, but then he quickly turned serious, and she knew that he was getting lost in his memories just like it happened to her, from time to time, always more rarely, actually.

_Is there something you don’t miss about your old life? Something you’re glad you don’t have to do any more…_

She turned towards Noah, who seemed pensive; she had avoided his gaze for all the evening, too embarrassed after taking his hand in the forest.

He smiled, lifting his eyes to her.

“ _cleaning the stables_ ” he admitted, giggling “ _definitely_ ”

 _Oh, come on!_ She said _Horses are cute_

Noah raised one eyebrow, dubious _Not when you have to clean their…_

“ _I’ve just eaten!”_ Jonas interrupted him, his mood already boosted a bit.

“ _and you?”_ Noah asked her _“what you don’t miss of your old life?”_

She looked up, thoughtful.

 _I don’t know_ she admitted, smiling _doing math homework, probably_

Both Noah and Elisabeth turned to Jonas, silently asking to join the conversation.

“ _what?”_ Jonas asked, shrugging.

“ _come on!”_ Noah said _“there must be something you like about all of this”_

“ _I don’t know…”_ the boy admitted, shrugging again.

 _I think he simply doesn’t want to admit that he likes us a lot_ Elisabeth said to Noah, and then she turned to Jonas _Don’t worry, your secret is safe with us_

Jonas smiled, lifting his shoulder up and down in a light chuckle, leaning his hand toward her, ruffling her hair.

Noah’s smile immediately faded.

It had been a bit since the last time he had been jealous of Jonas and Elisabeth.

The first months after he had saved him, bringing him in their life, had been the worst: he had to watch them laugh together, making jokes he couldn’t get, almost speaking a language he didn’t understand; the fear that Jonas could take her away from him was so vivid it could feel it squeezing his stomach.

But then he got to know Jonas better, the sad boy who just wanted to rest a bit; he saw him starting to smile again, becoming happier day by day, with them, and he became the friend Adam said he would have become, so sometimes he asked himself when Jonas would have become the traitor Adam said he would have become.

And the thought that that betrayal could involve Elisabeth kept him awake at night.

He looked down at her sleeping on the ground with his jacket on: he had always been good at hiding his feelings, shoving his sensations somewhere in his brain, but not with her, she was always able to detect his thoughts, his emotions, his feelings, even before him.

Had she already figured out what he felt for her? Could she notice the way he tensed up when she was around? Or how fast his heart was beating when she took his hand, that afternoon?

For as much he was enjoying that touch, he had to interrupt it as soon they arrived at the bunker, too afraid that she, or Jonas, could see in his face what he was feeling, and he even avoided her gaze all the time, after, too afraid that she could see how he was ridiculously blushing only for holding her hand. How pathetic.

He puffed, unconsciously.

“something’s wrong?” he heard.

Noah opened his eyes quickly, Jonas was right in front of him, in the same position, sat with his head leaned on the corner of the wall of the bunker.

“You scared me…” he admitted, exhaling “I didn’t know you were awake”

“couldn’t sleep” Jonas sighed.

“yeah,” the other said, sighing like his friend and lifting his eyebrows “me too”

“why isn’t working, according to you?” Jonas asked “the time machine…”

“I don’t know…” Noah admitted, “maybe if Claudia stayed here instead of disappearing for days…”

“she is doing her best… just like us”

“you always defend her”

“yeah, and you always attack her” Jonas replied, “why?”

“she hates me” Noah admitted, sharp.

“she doesn’t hate you,” the other said, frowning and shaking his head “why would she?”

“I don’t know…” he sighed again, distractedly looking at Elisabeth still peacefully sleeping “maybe it runs in the family”

He was still looking at Elisabeth when something hit his forehead: the pen Jonas used to write his notes.

“hey!” Noah said.

“I’ll throw something at you every time you mope”

He looked at him with a shocked look “You’re one to talk!”

They chuckled in silence.

“you seem to get pretty along,” Noah said, out of the blue “you and Elisabeth”

Jonas chuckled “yeah… why?”

“do you… like her or something?” he asked, regretting it right after, he was exposing himself too much “I mean… she is pretty… I would understand if you…”

The other smiled, shaking his head, probably calling him an idiot in his mind.

“don’t sweat it” he replied, the shadow of a smile still on his face.

“what?” Noah frowned, confused.

Jonas sighed “I like her as a friend, a sister, nothing more… And…” he added, looking directly at him “I don’t steal a friend’s girl”

His heart stopped “w-what? What are you talking about?”

“oh sorry,” the other said, closing his eyes and leaning the head on the wall, smirking, “I thought you knew it”

25 December

December flew in a heartbeat, and before she could even notice it, it was already Christmas.

It was easy to forget Christmas when they lived in the caves, where the sunlight couldn’t reach them and every day, month or season was almost identical, but now that they had finally moved in the new house it was hard to look outside and see the snow covering the trees and the soil and forgetting that Christmas was there.

Somehow, the thing didn’t seem to bother Noah or Jonas, they had bad memories about Christmas, or they simply didn’t care about it, but she was different.

She missed the atmosphere, the traditions with her family: his father making eggnog for everyone, or sneaking out with Franziska at night, trying to peek their Christmas presents. And for silly as it was, she missed all of that, especially at that moment, that she had to go outside to take the firewoods.

She was coming back home, the firewoods in her backpack, her back hunched for the weight. In those days, she needed Noah more than ever, to remember that she wasn’t alone, but he had been at the power plant more than usual in the last two weeks.

When she looked at the house, she was surprised to see the lights on, inside; she frowned, looking at her watch: it was far too soon for Noah to come back home.

Swallowing, she took a block of wood from her backpack and started walking towards the house. She quickly opened the door brandishing the wood, and almost hit the poor Jonas who stood up with his arms up.

She let go of the weapon, looking at the house with her mouth open: the whole perimeter was filled with little lights and pine needles, even a couple of white candles; she had to cover her mouth when she saw a little Christmas tree on a corner.

 _What…?_ She asked.

Jonas smiled.

“don’t look at me, _”_ he said with his arms still up, speaking slowly so she could read his lips _“_ it was his idea _”_ he concluded, glancing at her back and when she turned, Noah was there.

_You really did all of this?_

He shrugged.

“ _he helped me_ ” he replied, rapidly glancing at his friend.

She shook her head and hugged him, so fast and impetuous he had to take a step back to not lose his balance.

He would have probably hugged her back if there wasn’t Jonas there and he wasn’t a little embarrassed by displays of affection in public, especially after what Jonas said to him in the bunker.

She moved away, turning to the other boy and hugging him too; with a little less enthusiasm, as Noah happily noticed.

_I don’t know what to say…_

“ _Say that you’re hungry,_ ” Jonas said, laughing “ _because we’ve been cooking all the afternoon at the bunker_ ”

Elisabeth looked at Noah, a worried look on her face, he rapidly understood and shook his head.

“ _I’ve cooked_ ” he clarified “ _he simply chopped the vegetables_ ”

“ _where did you learn to cook so well?_ ” Jonas asked when they had already eaten and were simply enjoying the rare sensation of having the stomach full.

After many attempts, Elisabeth finally succeeded in growing some plants and even built a little greenhouse behind the house.

“ _I’ve worked in a tavern for all my life_ ” Noah replied _“I made the soup you ate when they found you”_

“ _Really?_ ” the other exclaimed, _“You never told me”_

Noah shrugged, while Elisabeth was frowning, looking at both of them.

 _Wait…_ She started _You already met before the apocalypse?_

“ _Yes”_ Jonas admitted, nodding _“and he did his best to seem as intimidating as possible”_

Both Elisabeth and Noah burst into laughs.

“ _it’s not true…”_ Noah said to her.

“ _it is”_ Jonas replied _“when I woke up he was sitting in front of me with a knife”_

She looked at him, surprised, but still laughing.

“ _I wanted to show him who commands.”_ he said as justification.

They all giggled, Elisabeth recognized that sometimes Noah could be a little… theatrical.

“ _Hey, Lis”_ Jonas started, out of the blue _“today I was thinking that next spring it will be an important birthday”_

She raised her eyebrows, nodding.

 _Yeah…_ She admitted, sighing _But driver licenses don’t exist anymore, nor a govern to vote, or even pubs to drink alcohol, so I suppose it will be a birthday like the others…_

“ _I forgot my eighteenth birthday, back then”_ Jonas admitted, looking at the empty plate.

“ _What?”_ Noah asked surprised.

The other nodded _“I was already working with Claudia and one day I realized that I was eighteen and a half and that I had forgotten my own birthday”_

“Damn…” the other whispered.

Elisabeth took his hand over the table, caressing his hand with her thumb, the boy looked at her with a sad look.

 _You will never forget a birthday again_ She promised _We will make sure of it_

Jonas smiled and she ruffled his hair, laughing.

 _Where is Claudia, by the way?_ She asked, after a few seconds.

“ _Only God knows that…_ ” Noah replied, sharp, taking a sip of water from a glass.

“ _don’t start again, please”_

Noah raised his hands, giving up _“only because it’s Christmas”_

After Jonas left, they remained alone, silently saying to each other that they didn’t want to go to bed, yet, so they started playing chess; Elisabeth was dangerously recuperating the points lost in the first years, when she was just learning, but they both knew that they probably wouldn’t have been able to end that endless match. And they liked it. Until the match was still open, it meant that they were still together.

“ _Are you cold?”_ he asked, seeing her shiver.

She nodded _A bit_

“ _I’ll get a few pieces of wood”_ he stated, standing up _“don’t cheat!”_

_What do you take me for?!_

He shook his head and went outside, with his blue coat on and a knit cap. He was cutting in pieces some of the biggest pieces when he heard a voice.

“Good Evening”

He quickly looked up, caught by surprise.

“Claudia…” he muttered, putting down the ax on the trunk they used to cut the biggest pieces.

“I am a little late, sorry” she admitted, sighing, shrugging in the green coat she usually wore.

“no, no” Noah said after a brief moment of hesitation “It’s nothing, Jonas is already gone home, but there is still something to eat if you want…”

“don’t worry” she refused, with the usual neutral look on her face, it seemed that she couldn’t feel anything “I just wanted to give you your present”

“my… my present?” he asked, frowning.

She nodded and took something from her pocket, something little, that Noah realized was a photograph; not a Polaroid, like the one he took with Elisabeth, but an old photo, like the one from his time, where everyone seemed serious, like Elisabeth liked to point out. But the people in that photo weren’t so serious.

He looked at the photo and his heart stopped. He closed his eyes, stiffening.

On the back there was written in cursive:

_Noah’s first birthday, 1905_

On the front, his parents were beaming, happy like he had never seen them, looking at him all wrapped in a white blanket, in his father’s arms. He was so young, identical to the boy he saw at Jonas’ house.

“how…?” he whispered.

The woman didn’t even flinch “you would be surprised by the things you can find at the old Tannhaus’ laboratory”

“I don’t know what to say…” he admitted, shaking his head.

“I hope it didn’t upset you”

“no… it’s just… unexpected… I didn’t even remember them like this... so young… and happy”

“You look like him…” she stated, glancing at the photo “the same chin, the same jawline, but you have your grandfather’s eyes, my father”

“too bad my father hated me” Noah commented, harsh.

“he didn’t hate you” she said, shaking her head “I’m pretty sure he probably loved you and your sister more than anything else”

“well it didn’t seem like it”

“I know” Claudia admitted, nodding “but… sometimes love can be invisible and, ironically, most of the times we fail in expressing love especially to the ones we love the most”

“Why are you giving me this?” Noah asked.

“because everyone deserves to know that they have been loved” she admitted, tilting her head a little.

“thank you” he said, nodding.

She sighed, nodding. 

“Give my regards to Elisabeth,” she said, glancing at the house “You look happy together”

He briefly smiled.

“Merry Christmas”

“Merry Christmas”

He came back inside weak on his legs, shivering in his heavy coat.

 _Noah_ Elisabeth said, gasping a little _What happened?_

He stopped in the middle of the house, the photograph still in his hands, he simply gave it to her, who looked at it with a confused look.

She widened her eyes when she read the description behind the photo.

_Claudia gave it to me right now_

She frowned, looking closely at him with a worried look.

 _They look happy_ she said _And your mother is very beautiful_

He nodded, tightening his lips.

 _Are you okay?_ She asked, worried.

He shook his head, slowly, knowing that lying to her was useless.

 _Why didn’t he tell me?_ He asked, more to himself than to her _Why didn’t he tell me that he was happy to have me?_

She shook her head, with a sad smile on her face and shrugged, coming closer to close him in a tight embrace, her arms surrounding his shoulders.

After a brief moment of hesitation, he put his arms around her lower back, drawing her even closer and burying the nose in her hair.

Elisabeth closed her eyes, relishing in the sensation of being so close, their bodies perfectly fitting together.

They couldn’t tell who was the first to move, they just knew that at some point they were moving, the skin of their cheeks softly touching: his skin was a little rough against hers, who liked the sensation of that roughness while she was moving away, painfully slow, to look at him.

A loud thunder hit a spot outside the house, causing the power generator to turn off, and they remained in darkness.

She stiffened, gasping, realizing that the darkness wasn’t so scary when he was so near; they looked at each other, giggling silently.

He was looking at her from above, his eyes looked darker, all pupils, and a little hazy, while he was slowly blinking, scanning her face like it was the first time he saw her, like he hadn’t already memorized all her features. His brain had just realized how close was she: their noses were practically touching, and her eyes seemed even bigger, from that distance, even with that darkness surrounding them.

She let her hands slid down to his chest, posing them one on his collarbone and the other a little lower, over his heart that was pounding so loud she could feel it in her veins.

Their bodies, on their own, were bringing them together without them having to think and after what seemed an eternity, the points of their noses were already touching the other’s skin.

She tightened her fist around his sweater, in perfect synchronicity with him that was lacing his fingers around her hair.

He hunched his back, posing his forehead on hers, closing his eyes, and she imitated him, standing on her tiptoes.

Their mouths were already open when the light came back, making their eyes stinging a bit, after being in the darkness for all that time.

He straightened his back, moving away to look outside the window, leaving her with an unpleasant sensation of cold. He cleared his throat.

_Good thing that it came back_

She quickly nodded, putting a tuft of hair behind her ear, her cheeks were searing.

 _Maybe it’s better if we go to sleep_ he suggested _It has been a long day_

She nodded again.

_Good Idea_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry for the incredible late in updating but, as you can see, this is a pretty long chapter. Let me know if you liked it!


	7. Paths

“Does the walker choose the path, or the path the walker?”  
― Garth Nix, Sabriel

“We are never gonna make it in time” Noah admitted, breathless.

“we will” Jonas replied, with a firm tone.

They were walking fast towards the bunker in which Jonas had lived for the past years.

“We could have made it if Claudia didn’t hold us in at the power plant” Noah commented, sharp, trying to hold the bother, but failing.

“she literally gave us half of a day off,” Jonas remarked “it’s the first time since we work together”

“What a heart of gold she has” Noah commented, putting a hand on his heart in a fake dramatic expression.

They arrived at the bunker an hour before the twilight, probably they would have be a little bit late, but not so much to ruin the party.

“tell me you’ve finished it” Jonas said.

“I just have to paint it with the transparent paint and it’s over”

“and wait until it’s dry” the other pointed out.

“and that’s why I said that we were late” Noah replied, opening the blue tin can that once contained some biscuits, but now contained his present for Elisabeth.

Noah started to work while Jonas was changing, they usually preferred to always change the clothes they wore at the power plant.

“I went to my old house and took you some of my clothes” he said to Noah, who lifted his gaze to find his friend with a gray shirt in his hands. He completely forgot that he should have worn something a little bit more elegant.

“Thanks,” he said, nodding, then he looked at the tiny object in his hands “it’s done”

“leave it there to dry, and change yourself” Jonas ordered “and maybe we’re gonna really make it in time”

Noah started to undress, taking off the raggedy clothes he wore at the power plant and wearing the gray shirt Jonas gave him. He couldn’t even remember when was the last time he had worn a shirt, after years of oversize sweaters and t-shirts full of holes.

“it's pretty good” he admitted with an admired expression, looking at the little present “you did a great job”

“do you think she will like it?” Noah asked, refusing to look at him, out of embarrassment.

The boy chuckled a bit “she will _love_ it” he reassured him “calm down”

Noah turned around, his fingers finishing to button up the shirt “I am calm!”

“you’re hysterical” Jonas corrected him “everything will be fine”

“I am not hysterical” Noah replied, quickly “whatever that means”

The other smiled, giggling “it means when someone…” he began, trying to find the words to describe it “has these big reactions over something little…”

“sorry” Noah sighed, swallowing “it’s that I want everything to be perfect, she deserves it”

“I know” Jonas admitted “I mean… a girlfriend’s birthday was already stressful when you could just go into a store, buying something nice and going away, during an apocalypse, it’s even worse”

“she is not my girlfriend” Noah corrected him “stop saying that”

“okay” Jonas promised, raising his eyebrows in a compliant expression, even though he liked to tease him about Elisabeth. For a bit he felt like coming back in time, when he was just a normal teenager, talking with his friends about girls, teasing Magnus about his clear crush for Franziska.

When Noah told him that the two of them would have become friends, he didn’t believe it, how could he be friends with someone like him? But there he was, spending most of the day with him, sharing clothes, and helping him with the girl he liked. Because he clearly did.

He knew him so well that he could tell that he was about to confess something.

“actually” Noah began and Jonas smiled, giving him his back, “I think that something was happening…”

“you… think?” Jonas asked, frowning.

“I-I am not so sure… I think that we… that we were close to kissing”

Jonas widened his blue eyes and his mouth in a shocked expression, chuckling.

“What?!” he exclaimed “and why didn’t you say anything?!”

The other shrugged “I am not sure… The lights were off, and we were _very_ close, looking at each other, and when I took the courage to go nearer, the lights went on again, but maybe I imagined everything”

“I don’t think you’re delusional, Noah” Jonas admitted, shaking his head.

He sighed, closing his eyes and tilting the head back “but now I get stupid whenever she is around, I don’t know what to say or what to do: the other day I had to reread the same page of our notes four times because she had her hair wet and I couldn’t stop thinking about it”

Jonas giggled “yeah, some girls do this effect…”

“I’ve never felt like this…” Noah admitted.

“and with your previous girls?”

The other raised his eyebrows, laughing “which other girls?”

“you...you’ve never had a girlfriend?” he asked, surprised.

“It was different back then,” Noah told him “and I couldn’t find anyone I was interested in”

“I understand why you’re so scared, then” he admitted, sitting next to him “I’m glad Martha kissed me because I would have never had the courage to do so”

Something invisible, though very heavy, fell in that bunker: a silence that meant something different for either of them.

It was the first time Jonas had the courage to talk about her with Noah. Before that moment, they lived hiding that topic, pretending that it didn’t exist: for Jonas it was too hard to even name her, afraid that if he had talked about her out loud, the pain in his heart could become even heavier.

And Noah couldn’t find the courage to tell him that he was the one who prevented him to save her, that day, adding another entry in the list of his regrets.

Now that he had Elisabeth, he understood how important was, to Jonas, to save Martha. Back then, he thought that saving Martha was a waste, that the cycle must have been preserved and breaking it for a girl wasn’t worth it; but back then, he hadn’t met Elisabeth yet, now he would have torn the entire Sic Mundus down if the prize was to save her.

“you never talk about her” he said, swallowing.

“why should I?” Jonas asked, sighing “you probably already know everything”

“I know little” he admitted, biting his lip nervously: Martha was a taboo for a lot of people, in his life, he knew his father blamed Adam for her death, and the only time he dared to ask Magnus about her, his godfather started crying, leaving the room; and he was too scared to ask Adam about her.

“I don’t know what she meant to you” Noah said.

His friend giggled, closing his eyes that were already full of tears “there is too much to say” he confessed, sniffling “but in the meantime, there isn’t anything to say: she was my first love, I can’t remember a time of my life when I didn’t think about her all the time, wondering if she could see me the way I saw her. I’m doing all of this for her, saving her is the only thing that has kept me alive for many years. She was… She _is_ the love of my life” he concluded, glad that he could speak about her in the present tense, for once.

“you will save her” Noah promised to him.

“you can’t know that” he replied, shaking his head.

“I know that when someone wants something really badly, nothing can stop them” the boy stated, firm “and I promise that we won’t rest until we bring her back to you”

Jonas turned to him, smiling a bit, sighing.

“come on” he said, standing up, giving a pat on Noah's leg “we have a party to attend”

“you have very beautiful hair, Elisabeth,” Claudia said, looking at the girl in the mirror.

She had been the last one to learn sign language, to talk to her, but now her hands were busy braiding Elisabeth's hair, so she talked to the girl looking at her in the mirror, speaking slowly to let her read her lips.

 _T hanks_ She replied, with a smile _And thank you for the dress, it’s beautiful_

Claudia smiled “I’m glad Regina kept some of her old dresses, even if it’s a little old style”

 _It’s perfect_ She replied, nodding _Regina was very lucky to have a mother who bought her these dresses_

The woman raised her eyebrows for a second, sighing.

“you know…” Claudia admitted, changing the topic, looking at her “dressed like this, you are _identical_ to your mother, it’s impressing”

 _Really?_ Elisabeth asked, a little spark of hope in her eyes.

Claudia nodded, sure “I didn’t know her very well, but I clearly remember her spending hours and hours in the woods, making researches, just like you. I hoped that she would work at the power plant, someday”

_Do you… do you think she would be proud of me?_

The woman looked at her for few seconds, a sad smile on her face.

“of course” she replied, with a nod “you’re a clever and strong young woman and you’re doing amazing things, _everyone_ would be proud of you”

Elisabeth scoffed, shaking her head, not convinced.

Claudia walked around the chair Elisabeth was sat on; she kneeled in front of her, taking her by the chin, making her lift her head.

“ _You_ ” she started, signing now that her hands were free “ _you’re vital for us: me, Jonas and Noah. You grow the foods that we eat and the remedies that we take when we are sick, we will die without you. The world is a complex machine in which everyone is necessary, until you’re in it, your role is bigger than you think._ _Please, don’t ever forget it”_

Elisabeth smiled, and Claudia caressed her cheek.

 _Thank you_ Elisabeth said, nodding _And thank you for giving the boys half of the day off_

Claudia smiled _“you don’t turn eighteen every day_ ” she said, winking.

“Okay, now listen closely,” Jonas said to him while they were walking; Jonas holding the bag that contained his gift for Elisabeth “give her your gift when everyone is gone”

“why?” Noah asked, frowning.

“because it’s more intimate” the other suggested.

And now he was nervous again.

The little house appeared to them after few minutes of walk, and he had to admit that Elisabeth had done a great job, like always: outside of their house there was a round table, the one on which they usually had dinner, and that now was decorated with a white tablecloth and four different chairs, Elisabeth had decorated even the trees, since the branches were full of little lights, the same he took for Christmas and that they kept using instead of the lanterns, to lighten the house.

When he was still looking at the decorations, the door opened, and he saw Claudia come outside, holding four plates, that were all different just like the chairs.

“About time” she exclaimed, seeing them, giving them one of her rare smiles.

“his fault” Jonas admitted, pointing at Noah.

“wh…?” Noah was about to say, but his brain stopped working when Elisabeth came out, holding a basket.

“ _wow, Liz_ ” Jonas exclaimed, seeing her, coming closer to greet her with a rapid hug “ _you look fantastic_ ”

Jonas gave her present, in the heavy bag he was bringing.

She laughed, putting a hand over her forehead the moment she realized what it was: three bottles of red wine.

“ _who said that alcohol doesn’t exist anymore?_ ” Jonas asked.

Noah saw her saying something, but he couldn’t hear or understand anything about what was going on: he was too stunned, and his ears were already too busy listening to his loud heartbeat, to hear anything else. He had always found her pretty, he didn’t need a dress to remind him that she was beautiful, but seeing her in that long summer dress, that covered up her legs to half of her calves but left the arms uncovered, those lean, elegant arms that he couldn’t stop looking at, was making him feel dizzy. He lingered his eyes on her neck and collar bones, where a long braid that started on the crown of her head landed neatly. He had to force himself to look away.

 _Good evening_ she said, waving at him to wake him from his daydream, with an amused expression on her face.

He shook his head, quickly.

“ _Hi”_ he said, smiling _“happy birthday”_

She hugged him, like she did with Jonas a few seconds before, but leaving a quick kiss on his cheek, and he caressed her hair with his thumb, while they were still close.

_“You… you seem fine”_

She frowned, tilting her back a little and he closed his eyes, giggling.

_“I mean… you...you look amazing”_

_Thank you_ She said, licking her lips and biting them back _you look okay, too_

He looked a lot better than okay, she was thinking, the shirt he was wearing was bringing out his eyes, making them seem an undefined color, a mixture of gray and light blue, with a few sparks of green, depending on the lights. She knew that staring was impolite, but she couldn’t help but stay there, still, trying to imprint as much as she could of his lean figure and the open smile on his face, so different from the clever smirk he usually had.

They stayed like that for a few seconds, smiling at each other, until Claudia’s voice wake them up.

“what are waiting for?” she said to Jonas and Noah “help us setting the table, come on!”

After a first tragi-comic moment in which they had tasted the wine that Jonas brought, and that turned out to be a powdery and undrinkable swill, the party went amazing: probably one of their happiest memory, the first time they had dinner all together.

The evening was warm and calm, only a light breeze was blowing around them, making a few strands of Elisabeth’s blonde hair fly around like the ears of wheat he used to watch for entire afternoons.

“ _In my time I would have killed for one of those things_ ” Claudia was telling them about the time she discovered the technology of the 21st century “ _when I was at_ _the university, I had to drag bags full of books!”_

 _My father once showed me an old telephone_ Elisabeth stepped in _It was strange, it had a cord that was all twisted_

“ _We had one of those telephones_ ” Jonas replied, nodding.

“ _When I was little_ ” Claudia started “ _telephones were attached to the walls: no privacy_ ”

Noah chuckled “ _no offense but I can beat all of you_ ” he stepped in “ _in my time, people used to pay kids to deliver their messages across the town”_

“ _Sometimes I forget that you’re born before me_ ” Claudia admitted, tapping with one finger over the glass _“it must have been strange for you to travel_ _across a century”_

He shrugged _“they prepared me, but_ _it was cool to see the streets for the first time”_ he added.

 _The streets?_ Elisabeth asked, frowning.

He nodded _“I mean, they already existed, but they were without cement, all dusty. It’s better this way”_

 _“_ _I remember…”_ Jonas admitted, nodding.

_“But I have to admit that I almost had a heart attack when I first saw a car. They were faster than the ones I was used to”_

They all laughed, but he could hear only the little laugh at his left.

They stopped laughing and a relaxed silence fell between them: they came from all different times and experiences, but somehow they managed in creating a family together, even Claudia.

She was the first to go away, that evening, followed by Jonas just a few minutes later, the time to help them do the dishes.

They remained alone, sitting on the brown couch they kept outside when the air was warm.

The wind had messed Elisabeth's hair, that wasn’t so tidy like at the beginning of the evening, but she looked even better, with one of his cardigans on, because she felt a little cold.

She lifted her arms, about to loosen up the braid but he stopped her, quickly.

“No...” he said, out loud. She looked at him with a confused look

 _I like your hair braided like this_ He admitted, with a courage he didn’t know he had

She giggled _Okay_

 _You know…_ _I like this shirt_ _on you_ She admitted, then, glancing at the gray shirt he was wearing _It brings out your eyes_

He smiled, embarrassed, thinking that she was way better than him with compliments.

“I haven’t given you your present yet” he realized suddenly.

 _You shouldn’t have_ She said, shaking her head.

“Of course I had to” he corrected her, taking a little bag, little enough to fit in his palm and gave it to her.

She smiled, curious, biting her lip while opening the little bag.

Her mouth fell open and she couldn’t hold a gasp when she first saw the wonderful necklace in her hands.

A black string with a wooden pendant: the head of a little fox with the ears up, carved in the wood.

 _Where did you find it?_ She asked.

I made it by myself He admitted

Elisabeth shook her head _That’s why you always came home with all that scratches on your hands, these days?_

He nodded, shrugging.

She moved towards him and hugged him tightly, rubbing her hand on his back.

 _Would you…?_ She asked, showing him the necklace, in a silent request.

_Sure_

She moved her braid to the side, so he could tie that necklace.

It should have been easy, a simple knot, he had learned to knot his shoes when he was six, it was a child’s play. But not when he had her neck at few centimeters from his face, so now his fingers were shaking while fighting to tie that knot without touching her skin.

For a brief moment, he asked himself what would have happened if for a moment he would give in and touch her skin with his fingertips, and he imagined himself being enough brave to come closer and leave a kiss right on her nape.

He cleared his throat, touching her shoulder to let her know that he had done.

She touched the pendant on her chest, smiling.

 _It’s wonderful_ She said _Really_

 _I’m glad you like it_ he said, biting his lip _So… How does it feel to be an adult?_

She sighed, scoffing.

_Well… alcohol is overrated_

He laughed and nodded _Fair point_

_And I feel pretty the same… I mean, before the apocalypse there were so many things that proved that you were an adult: driving, voting… All things that I can’t do either way_

He came closer, unconsciously.

 _Do something new, then_ He suggested, enthusiastic _Do something bold that you had never had the courage t…_

The phrase remained unfinished because before he could even realize it, she had already put a hand behind his nape, pulling him closer for a kiss.

He was still elaborating everything when she pulled away, softly, trying to decipher his expression; he looked at her lips, still open and a little bit humid, and the magnetic force that has always pulled him towards her became even stronger, so he closed his eyes and in one moment they were devouring each other again.

After the first instant of raw surprise, in which his entire body froze at the realization that he wasn’t imagining anything, that it was really happening, he exhaled through his nose, furrowing his brows and putting a hand in her hair, a thing he had wanted to do for many years now.

She pulled him closer, or maybe simply came closer, he couldn’t tell, all he could feel was her hand on his chest, grabbing the collar of his shirt.

He was greedy of the little sighs coming from her mouth and ending directly in his, but when she moved her hand from his nape to his hair, burying her fingers in his blond strands, he was the one who let out a loud sigh and she noticed it by the sudden vibration of his throat under her fingers.

This time he was aware that he was the one who was drawing her closer to him, their bodies perfectly adhering and still too far away.

So what his older self told him was true: she was his future; all his steps took him there, to the girl he was holding like she could suddenly slip away from his hands. Everything that man told him came true: the apocalypse, Elisabeth, Jonas, so that meant…

“I can’t” he suddenly said, out loud, pushing her away.

Without even realizing how or when he did it, he was standing up, panting.

She blinked, confused, looking like someone who had just been woken up from a long sleep: her hair was messy and her lips swollen and red. Her cardigan, _his_ cardigan, was lowered on her left shoulder, leaving it uncovered.

“ _Sorry”_ he said, coming inside.

The house didn’t even seem the same, everything seemed different after that kiss, the first kiss of his life.

He had just put a step on the slope that would have brought to losing her, to losing everything.

He heard the door closing behind him and he knew that she would have never simply let it go.

 _What happened?_ She asked _Are you okay?_

 _I’m fine_ He replied _Perfectly fine_

_So…?_

_It’s wrong_ He said _This. Me and you. It was a mistake_

 _Why?_ She asked

 _Because I said so_ It was the only rational explanation he had.

 _You didn't seem to think so a few seconds ago_ She dared to say.

 _You took me by surprise_ He tried to articulate, but his brain was still on that couch, and his heart as well.

 _I-I’m sorry…_ She said, with a sad look on her face that he couldn’t bear, he hated that he was hurting her, but it was also the only way to save her.

She tried to come closer but he took a quick step back, trying to put as much distance between them as possible.

_Please, Lis, stay away from me_

He had to go away from there, he needed time alone, like when he was little and he escaped in the fields, or in the sables.

 _Sorry,_ He said, going out, closing the door behind him.

He ran until he felt his lungs hurt, falling on the ground on his knees: the soil was soft and he knew he was staining his clothes, but he couldn’t care less.

Was it already too late to save her?

He didn’t want to end like Jonas, sacrificing the love of his life for Adam’s plan, he knew that there was a way to change the things. Adam sent him to the older Jonas to prevent him to change the course of the events, so it was possible, maybe if they never fell in love, they could still be together, at least as friends, or even as enemies if it was necessary.

He just hoped it wasn’t too late.

When he woke up, he was confused to find himself on the ground: his hands, hair, and clothes covered in dirt, while the sun was already making the sky lighter.

“dammit,” he whispered while standing up and cleaning as better as he could his clothes and his hair.

He walked to the cabin, picturing in his mind Elisabeth’s mad expression, and she would have been right, he violated their first rule: never go alone in the forest at night.

He slowly opened the door, trying to peek inside to see if she was already awake, or maybe _still_ awake.

The house was in complete darkness so he had to come inside.

There wasn’t any trace of her and for a moment he feared she was outside, searching for him.

But then a little note, pinned on the door with a rusty nail, caught his attention: his heart stopped at the sight of her handwriting, and he remembered their first fight when she apologized with a note, but the one he was reading wasn’t an apology. He was reading a farewell.

_**Dear Noah,** _

_**I misunderstood everything and I can’t tell you how much sorry I am for having hurt you, tonight. Believe me when I say it was the last thing that I wanted.** _

_**The only thing I can do is respect your request and staying away from you, giving you your space.** _

_**I am going to Jonas, at the bunker.** _

_**Take care of yourself.** _

_**Elisabeth** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Here another long chapter for you!  
> Leave a comment if you liked it or if you want to yell at me.  
> See you soon


	8. Say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Sorry for the delay but as you can see it's a really long chapter! Hope you'll like it.   
> Both Noah and Elisabeth are coming to terms with what happened between them.  
> Have fun!

It was a habit, now, something he usually did without even thinking.

The first thing he did in the morning was to always check on Elisabeth: when they used to sleep on uncomfortable bedrolls, and then when they replaced them with bed s made of straw, or then again when they got  _real_ beds, in their little house. He started to do so when she had nightmares, the first months of their cohabitation, and then it became part of his day, eyeing on her to see if she was already awake, if everything was fine, or simply to look at the grumpy expression she had when she was asleep.

Now, he looked at her bed to see if she was back; which was stupid because she already took all of her stuff so it was pretty unlikely that she would come back so soon like nothing was.

It had been less than 36 hours since she  had gone, and her missing was already tearing  him apart, making him feel empty like he ha d n’t felt in years.

He rose, putting his bare feet on the wooden floor of the cabin, leaning his elbows on his knees and rubbing his face with his hands, grunting.

A day before, he would have probably made breakfast for both of them, or he would have woken up with the smell of breakfast already filling the house, depending on which one of them woke up first, but now he had only an empty house full of memories,  full of moments that would have haunted him probably forever. 

For a brief time of his life, he had had a family, and now he was alone again, like always in his life, it was like the loneliness was the only constant of his damned life, only that now it was even worse than ever, now that he knew how it was to have someone who cares about you.

He had waited for her for more than 24 hours, his ears tensed up, waiting hopeful for a knock that  he never heard. He even lost the count of the times he put his hands on the  door handle, willing to go to the bunker and talk to her, but every time something stopped him:  s he was the one that ran away. 

He closed his eyes, sighing: she hadn't simply run away, _he_ was the one who had told her to stay away; he had let her go, even if it was the last thing he wanted and now someone had taken his place beside her. 

Jonas.

Apparently, that boy was way smarter than him: he didn’t lose the chance to be with her,  he would never let her go like he had done. 

Maybe, acting like that, he simply quickened the process, maybe the older version of himself was alone because of that stupid fear that paralyzed him.

With a grunt, he stood up, knowing that he had to hurry up if he wanted to arrive in time at the power plant.

The power plant.

The day had just become even worse.

H e arrived half of an hour late, sigh ing in relief  at the sight of only his radiation suit: probably Jonas was already inside,  so he didn’t have to talk to him; he quickly wore  that ridiculous yellow thing ,  knowing that  Claudia would have probably pointed out his late,  but not caring about it, anyway; Claudia and her  delusions of grandeur were his last problem, so he entered the room of the experiments. 

Jonas and Claudia were already working, too concentrated on their notes to notice his presence, but when the door at his back closed with a loud noise, they stopped and turned, almost in the simultaneously. They turned towards him and by the look on Claudia’s face, he knew she was about to scold him, but surprisingly she exchanged a rapid glance with Jonas and sighed. 

“Good Morning” she simply said, neutral.

“Good Morning” he muttered in response, intentionally avoiding Jonas’ gaze. He walked directly to his workstation with all the intentions of ignoring him, but he could hear him approaching. He took a breath, trying to remain calm. 

“Noah,” the boy said “are you okay? What happened, yesterday?”

He clenched his jaw, giving him his back “like you don’t know…”

“I swear I don’t know anything, Elisabeth refused to tell me what happened” the other said, taking him by the shoulder to make him turn and look him in the eyes. Noah shook off his hand from his shoulder, with a harsh movement. 

“don’t touch me”

“can you tell me what's going on?” Jonas asked.

“why do you care? You finally took everything you wanted…”

Jonas frowned, a shocked expression on his face “Noah, sorry but I have to ask you: are you for real?”

“guys!” Claudia exclaimed, from the other side of the room “what are you doing? Let’s concentrate, okay?”

“Yeah, sorry,” Jonas said, without leaving Noah’s gaze “we’ll talk when we’ve finished, okay?”

“I have nothing to tell you” Noah said, walking away, hitting his shoulder with his.

Elisabeth drew the contours of the little wooden fox in her hands: the pointy ears, a little different from one another, the little eyes, a  bit darker than the rest of the face, that seemed to give to the fox a clever expression, the expression of someone that, unlike her, always knew what to say and what to do. 

T hat fox would have never been so stupid to ruin everything only for a kiss. 

_What’s gotten into me?_

She signed to herself, all alone in the room. But she didn’t need to think about it so much, before finding the answer: she perfectly knew what had gotten into her.

It wasn’t even a hurried decision, something she decided at the moment, without reflecting, in the rush of a moment; she thought about it for months, wondering how he would have tasted, maybe even for years.

She thought about taking his face in her hands and kissing him every time she cut his hair, or while playing soccer together, her hands always ready to touch him, officially preventing him to take the ball, unofficially trying to find out how his skin would have felt at the touch. And maybe humility wasn’t her top quality, but she was sure her feelings were mutual: they way he looked at her that night, charmed and confused, or how he hadn't lost a second before diving his fingers in her hair while kissing her, or the low vibration in his throat that she took for a sigh or a gasp, sign that he was enjoying that just like her. Now she was frightened at the thought that maybe he was simply asking her to stop. 

T he thought that she had probably hurt him, making him uncomfortable, was even more hurtful than missing him.

_ N ever kiss someone without consent.  _

How many times did Franziska say something like that while watching a movie? And she ignored it, ruining everything, only for a kiss.

How could she see him in the eyes again, now? She was so embarrassed by what happened that she hadn’t even the courage to tell it to Jonas, how could she simply go to their house and talk to him?

She ruined everything.

Thank God, Jonas hadn’t tried to talk to him for all the rest of the day, and Noah really hoped he had understood  that he didn’t want to talk to him, probably forever.

He had been so stupid, trusting him. 

He knew where their friendship was going, his father  had  warned him  multiple times , his older self  had  warned him, even Adam himself  had  warned him, but he welcomed in his life, anyways: he  had trusted him,  loved him, treated him like a brother, he was even happy to have him in his life,  to have  a friend to talk to. He practically gave him the knife with whom  he had stabbed him where it hurt more,  where he  _knew_ it would have hurt more . 

He was still washing the  radiation  suit,  outside, when Jonas appeared,  his radiation suit under his arm and with the sad look he had when they first met, making him want to punch  him in that sad face; he didn’t have any right to look that sad,  _he_ was the one who had lost everything. He rolled his eyes and walked away, puffing. 

“wait” Jonas yelled at him.

“go to hell, Kahnwald,” he said, turning his neck to look at him for a second. 

“surely” he accepted, without even blinking “but not until you stop and tell me what the fuck is going on”

Noah stopped, clenching his fist and feeling a violent heat invading his body, reddening his cheek.

“what do you want from me, anymore?” he asked, turning around slowly, a desperate accent in his voice “haven’t you taken enough, yet?”

Jonas frowned, shaking his head, confused “Noah, I swear I have no idea of what you’re talking about…”

“you knew it!” Noah yelled at him while solitary tears he couldn’t hold were flowing silently on his face “you knew what she meant to me, how important she was… and you took her away from me anyway…” he said, hissing the words between his teeth “I trusted you” he said, in the end, in a whisper that brought the heavy weight of the betrayal.

“what?!” Jonas asked, squinting in complete confusion like he couldn’t understand the point "what was I meant to do?” he asked, then “Elisabeth…”

Noah couldn’t take it anymore, and the rage he had been brooding for all the past day exploded  all  at that moment, in a loud punch on Jonas’ face,  directly on his  bottom  lip; the boy wasn’t expecting anything like that so he lost balance, falling  backward  on the  ground.

For a moment, Jonas looked at him with his eyes wide open, surprised and shocked, while his bottom lip was bleeding and a rivulet of blood started falling down on his chin. Noah kept looking at him with his fist still closed, his knuckles hurting from the bruises, the nostrils opening and closing, making him look like a mad bull. 

“hey!” a loud scream woke them up “what the hell it’s happening here?!”

Jonas stood up just one second before Claudia had reached them, taking him by the chin and looking at the blood coming down his face.

“Are we fighting against each other, now?” she said, her gaze moving from Jonas to Noah “don’t we have a lot of problems, already?”

They remained silent, looking at the dusty ground beneath their feet.

The woman rolled her eyes “you’re not teenagers, anymore. You’re grown men, please act as such”

They nodded, without lifting their eyes from the ground.

“Jonas,” she said, firm “go home”

Noah had the courage to look at him only when he knew Jonas couldn’t see him, anymore: he seemed fine, but his jacket was covered in white dust and he felt something tightening around his stomach.

When  he turned to  Claudia ,  she was  looking at him with a severe expression, it was strange for him to look her in the eyes:  th e blue one constantly reminded him that they were related and that there was a whole branch of his family tree that he  knew nothing about , but the brown one reminded him of  his father, the part of his family he had given up .

“you,” the woman said, harsh “come with me”

He couldn’t believe that he would have lived long enough to see Claudia’s… shelter? He surely was in the place she lived, but it was far to be named _home_ or even _house_ , it was more a space she shoved a bed in and that’s it.

At that moment he understood how much she was doing, their work was all her life: he and Jonas had a lot outside that power plant, or better, they _had_ had a lot. But Claudia… her life was in that hole, all her time, even the one she spent outside the power plant, was dedicated to the work.

And still, they were far away from making any progress.

The walls were filled with photographs, and he couldn’t help but look at them, feeling Claudia’s presence at his back, knowing that she was somehow authorizing him to do so.

There were so many faces on that wall, so many that his eyes couldn’t decide where to stop until they naturally lingered on a  drawing, that stood out among all that pictures: the woman portrayed on that drawing was looking at him with a clever look, the look of someone who can read you like the morning newspaper, who can convince you to jump  off a cliff. He didn’t need to read the name on the drawing to realize who she was.

“Agnes…” he whispered.

“I knew you would have recognized her…” Claudia admitted, coming closer, with her hands joined behind her back “she was the most charming woman I’ve ever met”

“ _Was?”_ Noah asked, turning quickly to her, swallowing “why _was_? Did something happen to her?”

“I… I don’t know” she admitted, her gaze fixed on an unspecified spot on the wall “I met her in 1953, but after a bit, she disappeared and I haven’t heard anything from her since then”

“H-How did you meet her?” he asked, blinking “how was she?”

He didn’t only want to know if she was all right, he was also desperate to know  _who_ she was, who she became, if she still thought about him the way he thought about her, with a mixture of  nostalgia and regret, knowing that he could have been a better brother. He could have been better in a lot of things, back then. 

Claudia probably understood his need of details, so she told him everything he wanted to know, some details filled his heart with joy, and some with rage; he discovered that he had a nephew somewhere, _somewhen_ , and his heart pounded in his chest while all he could do was giggle, sniffling to hold back the tears: he would have given everything to had been there for that boy; like Magnus had been there for him when he was little. But then, Claudia told him about the scars on his nephew’s arm and his throat closed from the rage, mixed with guilt: if he had been there, he could have protected her, like a big brother should do. 

“my mother had spent the rest of her life looking for her” Claudia told him, pointing at the sweet woman with her in the family portrait “she never forgot her” 

“they were friends?” Noah asked her.

Claudia burst out laughing, hiding her face behind her hand.

“I don’t know if you’re ready to know it…” she admitted, still giggling “they were… lovers. Your sister was the love of my mother’s life” she concluded.

Noah widened his eyes, surprised but also a little amused: he was happy to know that she  was loved.  Being the love of someone’s life is such a sweet privilege, s he deserved that. 

“you’re less shocked than what I thought you would be…” she admitted, tilting her head to one side.

He told her about the time he and Elisabeth found a picture of two women in a wedding dress, and he had asked her where the husbands were.

Claudia laughed out loud, for the second time in a day, making him suspect that she was going insane. He had never heard her laugh.

“I guess Elisabeth is the cause of your bad mood…”

He swallowed, licking his lips in awkwardness and nodding, looking at his boots, covered in white dust.

“We had a little fight… I think… It’s complicated”

She nodded, comprehensive “your fault or hers?”

“mine” he simply said.

“Yeah, I know how it feels…” she whispered.

Noah shrugged, looking at the photo of the beautiful woman his sister had become: he failed her, he failed Elisabeth, he failed almost every person that he had loved.

“you know what is the worst mistake that we could ever do?” Claudia spoke, almost reading his mind. He turned his head to her and shrugged.

“loving someone and never told them,” she said, coming closer to him “I spend almost every day of my life regretting never demonstrate love to the people I loved”

He remained silent, always looking at his boots, so she took him by his chin and lift his face, making him look her in the face.

“ask sorry to Elisabeth, ask sorry to Jonas, or you’ll regret it forever”

When he got out, he asked himself if that was how it felt to talk to a mother.

The first thing he usually saw, when coming home, was Elisabeth’s greenhouse, the thing she was most proud of: she totally had built it up by herself, had planted the seeds, had been making experiments for years, and now she was growing food for four people. That day was the longest she had spent away from that greenhouse, and he remembered at that moment that the plants in there needed to be watered.

Even if that place was  _her_ place, sh e had allowed him in there once or twice, letting him watching her taking care of those plants, with a kindness that she didn’t reserve to anyone else. 

With a sigh, he started to water the plants carefully, trying to not pour too much water, remembering how precious was water for them.

The day before her birthday, Elisabeth told him that she also needed to harvest the potatoes, so he thought about doing it by himself.

She made it seem so easy, and he was building a time machine: how difficult could it be?

But then, five minutes after, he was still fighting with those stubborn damned plants, with very poor results. He pulled the roots with all his strength, and when the root ceded, he fell back, like an idiot.

He threw the root away, groaning, when he heard someone clearing his throat, and when he lifted his eyes, his heart stopped.

Elisabeth was leaned on the door, her arms crossed: she didn’t look mad, or angry, actually, she was trying to hold back a smile.

_ "Hi"  _ She said,  turning serious.

He remained still, confused, paralyzed by the realization of how desperately he was missing her.

_ "Hi"  _ He said,  quickly standing up, trying to wipe away the dirt from his trousers. 

They looked at each other, for a bit, both of them asking themselves what was the right thing to say or to do.

_ "I watered the plants"  _ he explained, " _ And you said that it was time to harvest the potatoes, so I thought…" _

She smiled, the kind smile that he liked so much and that he was afraid he would have never seen again.

_"You’re nice"_ She admitted, coming closer " _But you don’t seem to have a good time with those potatoes"_

_ "Yeah…"  _ he admitted with a giggle.

She smiled again and came closer.

_ "I’ll teach you"  _ she proposed, taking a fork of the size of her hand and kneeling at his side.

With a resolute move, she mercilessly skewered the fork in the soil, bending back and forth his wrist until the whole root came out, then she cut it with a scissor, giving him the potato with a proud look.

He giggled " _ You make it seem easy." _

_ "It’s easy"  _ She signed, nodding " _T_ _ ry" _

He took the fork and tried to emulate her movements, but all he could do was to stick the fork in the soil, that remained still like it was stuck in the cement.

_ "Wait,"  _ she said, coming even closer " _ like this,"  _ She said, proceeding to show him the right movement taking him by the wrist, but quickly retired her hands, blushing. 

_ "I’m sorry"  _ s he quickly said, remembering that they already had a fight because of her lack of self-control. 

He shook his head, smiling, taking her right hand and putting it on his right wrist; she smiled, slowly showing him the right movement, bending his arm back and forth. He  smiled ,  overwhelmed by the scent of her hair  and the warmth of her palm on the flesh of his wrist .  Having her that near, after all those hours of missing her, felt like a true miracle.

At that moment, Claudia's words were echoing in his mind.

_Ask sorry to Elisabeth, ask sorry to Jonas, or you’ll regret it forever…_

He took a breath and touched her on her shoulder, to catch her attention, she quickly lifted her gaze on him.

“ _I’m sorry”_ He signed, saying it out loud, as well.

She rapidly shook her head, like she was trying to contradict him.

“ _I should be the one who asks sorry”_ she admitted, a guilty look on her face.

He shook his head.

“ _You didn’t do anything wrong”_ he reassured her _“And if you’re happy with Jonas I’m okay with it…”_

He was about to say that he was sorry for him, as well, when she  frowned and moved away from him. 

“ _Happy with Jonas?”_ She asked, “ _What do you mean?”_

“ _That if you have chosen him, I respect your decision…”_ he explained. 

She scoffed and shook her head, shocked.

“ _Choose him?”_ _s_ he repeated, signing, “ _You think I went to him because there’s something between him and me?”_

“ _No…”_ He said, even if he had punched his best friend in the face for that _“It’s that, since you went to the bunker, with him… I don’t know”_ he admitted, realizing how crazy that suspect was, now. 

“ _So let me understand,”_ she said, standing up, _“You think that, after kissing you, I went directly to another… That’s what you think of me?”_

“ _No, no, of course not,”_ He said, but he couldn’t find a way to explain himself, to explain how the fear makes us do and think very stupid things. 

“ _But that’s what you said”_ She insisted.

“ _I’m sorry, I think that I’ve explained myself bad…”_

She shook her head, taking a few steps back.

“ _You know what?”_ She said “ _I think I’ve had enough of your excuses. I don’t blame you for running away after that kiss but thinking that I might have…”_ she closed her eyes, trying to not lose patience “ _And w ith Jonas! Your damned best friend!” _

He knew at this point that talking could have worsened  everything , so he remained silent. 

“ _You know why I went away?”_ _s_ he asked “ _Because I thought I hurt you…”_ she admitted, and Noah noticed how her hands were shaking, _“ I thought_ _I made you uncomfortable and you asked me to stay away from you so that’s what I did”_

“ _I’m sorry”_

“ _Yeah, me too”_ She replied “ _I’m sorry because you clearly don’t know me at all after all these years”_

She stormed out so quickly all he could do was to arrive at the door, watching her running away, knowing that she didn’t want to be followed, asking himself if that’s what she felt after their kiss.

He laid down on his bed, rubbing his face with his hands.

How was it possible that he ruined everything he touched?

For all his life he had been searching for the origin, the primal cause of why his life had always been falling apart, somehow, collecting delusion after delusion, loss after loss: and it turned out that  _he_ was the cause, he was the one who had spoiled everything. His father wasn’t cruel with him, he was just trying to protect himself from him, and he was right, after all,  seeing how it ended .

Maybe it was better for everyone if he remained in that cabin, alone, forever.

All those years spent despising his father, while he was much a better person than him, he had never hurt his mother like that, he remembered that. Bartosz Tiedemann might not have been the best father, but he surely was a good husband.

He knew that his parents probably fought like every couple did, but they  never did it in front of him: all he could remember about the little time they had spent together was his father playing the harmonic for his mother, playing songs that he wrote, or his mother  teasing him to make him dance with her during the parties at the tavern. 

They weren’t a blatant couple, like Magnus and Franziska, that were constantly reminding everyone that they were together; his parents were quieter, preferring to live their love discreetly, afar from anyone else: even after all those years, when he thought about his mother, he remembered her in their porch, with her head on his father’s shoulder, and his father posing his lips on her black hair every now and then. 

He was happy to conserve those little happy memories about them, and at that moment  he wished he could go somewhere and ask his father what to do. 

A  knock at the door made him lift his torso, asking himself if he had hallucinated it. When he heard it again, he ran to the door, his heart full of hope and fear, while opening the door.

“Jonas?” he asked, finding the boy outside the door, his lip swollen and bruised.

“hi,” the other said, sighing “were you expecting someone else?” he asked.

Noah shook his head: Jonas wasn’t the person he was hoping for, but he was happy to see him, as well.

“Would you come in?” he asked, and Jonas nodded, with a brief smile.

“h-how is the…” Noah muttered, embarrassed.

“it doesn’t hurt so much anymore” the other reassured him “great right hook, by the way”

“Jonas, I’m so sorry, really,” he said, not having the courage to look at him “today I was…”

“I know…” he replied, smiling and then bringing his hand to the cut on his lip “I don’t know, actually” he considered, then “since neither of you wants to tell me what happened. But Elisabeth was pretty upset when she arrived at the bunker, before…”

“Really?” he asked.

Jonas nodded “I haven’t understood everything she said, but I’m pretty sure she was insulting you…”

Noah sighed, “sit,” he said, sitting on one of the chairs at the round wooden table in the middle of the cabin.

He was ashamed of what happened, how he acted, but he also needed to openly talk about it with someone.

“the other day, after the party…” Noah began while Jonas sat in front of him, looking at him with the frown he always had when he was concentrated “we kissed… she kissed me, actually”

Jonas widened his blue eyes, blinking, and then giggled “wow! That’s amazing!”

But then he turned serious, watching his friend shaking his head, with a sad look.

“No?” he asked.

“Yes,” Noah admitted “of course it’s amazing, but… I ruined everything”

“why?”

“I don’t know, I think I got scared and… How do you say?”

“you freaked out?” Jonas tried to guess. 

“yeah, exactly” Noah admitted, “I told her that it was a mistake and that she should have stayed away from me”

“what?!” Jonas exclaimed “why?! You’ve been looking at her all evening, at the party!”

Noah shrugged, looking at the table.

“Why did you say that to her?” Jonas asked, calmly.

“because it’s true” Noah confessed, looking up, trying to hold back the tears “I met the man I’ll become and he… he was desperate, Jonas. He was lonely and I couldn’t understand it back then but now I know that only one thing could break him, break _me,_ like that. Something bad will happen to her, I just know…”

“keeping her away won’t solve anything” Jonas pointed out, sighing.

“yes, instead” Noah insisted “Maybe it has something to do with me, maybe if she stays away from me nothing bad will happen. It takes _nothing_ to change _everything._ I’d do whatever it takes to keep her safe because I can’t lose her. I lost every single person I’ve loved: my mother, my father, my sister… I can’t lose her, too” he concluded with his voice broken by the tears. 

“I won’t lie to you” Jonas began “I know, or at least I hope, that there’s a way to change things… but this is not the way, Noah. Keeping people away, hiding our feelings, is always a bad idea, and it didn’t bring anything to anyone. You can’t know for sure that being apart will save her, and most of all you can’t spend your life trying to prevent mistakes you haven’t even made, yet” 

“what should I do, then?” Noah asked, sniffling.

“living day by day…”

He scoffed, shaking his head “I thought you would have understood” he admitted.

“I do” Jonas replied “believe I know how it feels, trying to protect someone you love while trying to not become someone you don’t want to become… And it brought me nothing but suffering and misery”

Noah didn’t reply, so the other boy kept talking:

“have you an idea of how lucky you are?” he asked him “I would kill to have with Martha what you have with Elisabeth…”

“and what do I have?”

“time” he simply declared, sighing “and time is a gift”

“think about it” Jonas continued “if you knew you would have lost your mother, what would you have done? Keeping her away, or spend every second possible with her, trying to make all memories possible?”

Noah sniffled “it’s too late now, anyway” he said.

“It's never too late,” he said “just talk to her… openly. She cares about you, she will understand”

“Why are you helping me?” he asked, “after what I did to you…”

“you’re my best friend” Jonas replied, shrugging, like that explained everything “and I’ve already been an awful best friend for your father, I’m not doing the same with you”

He smiled,  giggling. 

In moments like that, it was impossible for him to think that the boy in front of him would ever betray him, in any way.

Jonas stood up and clapped his hands “come on! Let’s go ask sorry”

“what if she doesn’t forgive me?” he asked, standing up “I’m afraid I lost her forever”

“one step at the time, okay?” he said “first, ask her sorry, then we’ll see how it goes”

Noah nodded “Jonas…” he began, taking a deep breath “thank you… And you’re not an awful best friend, at all”

The boy smiled and did something that surprised Noah, making him stiffen and hold a breath: he came closer and hugged him tight, patting his shoulder. At first, Noah remained still, blinking in surprise.

“what are you doing?” he asked.

“it’s a hug” Jonas replied.

“do we hug, now?”

“apparently”

With a laugh, he clumsily hugged him back, patting his back.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea” Noah admitted, at the bunker “she probably doesn’t want to see me, maybe it’s better if I give her a little bit more space to think about…”

Jonas rolled his eyes, tilting his head back in a dramatic gesture.

“it’s the third time you change idea” he said.

“I don’t know what to do…” Noah admitted, sighing.

“do you love her?” Jonas asked, blunt.

The other looked at him with his mouth open, surprised.

“what do you mean?”

“you know what I mean” Jonas insisted “love is not a game for cowards, it takes courage to love someone. She was bold enough to kiss you, the other night, and to come to you, this afternoon. If you feel the same, the least you can do it’s to enter in this bunker and talk to her…” 

Noah swallowed and bit his bottom lip. 

“let’s go” he simply said, with a resolute look. 

Jonas smiled and opened the door of the bunker, and Noah closed it behind his back. 

They switched on and off their flashlight, to let her know that they were there. Elisabeth was sat on her bedroll, on the ground, with a massive book on her legs; she didn’t see that Noah was there, until she lifted her gaze to Jonas, her little hands ready to sign a greeting. She froze, her hands still in the air,  and quickly managed to stand up .

“ _Hi”_ Noah signed.

“ _Hi_ ” she replied, still immobile. 

“ _I think I’ll go outside and take a walk_ ” Jonas admitted, signing and talking “don’t blow this, okay?” he said, only for Noah, this time. 

Noah nodded, without leaving her eyes neither for a second, hearing the steps behind his back, until he heard the heavy door closing. 

All the words he had planned in his head were gone, every single thought he had ever had in his mind had been swiped away. He could only see her.

“ _This is where it all began_ ” he admitted, looking around himself “do you remember?”

She sighed and nodded, smiling briefly. 

“ _You were sat right there_ ” she signed, pointing at one spot on the bench behind him.

“ _What a peculiar day to met someone_ ” he considered. 

She smiled, a little bit longer “ _you seemed so calm…_ ” she remembered, “ _I was scared to death,_ _but then I looked at you and I thought that if you were so calm, then it meant that it wasn’t so serious…_ ”

Noah giggled, looking at her “ _I’ll tell you a secret_ ” he began “ _I was scared to death, too_ ”

She smiled “ _you hid it very well_ ”

“ _and remember the note I gave you?_ ” he said. 

She laughed “ _don’t worry, everything is going to be alright_ ” she replied, quoting the note “ _and then my father ripped it and threatened you to death_ ”

“ _a pretty busy day_ ” he admitted, smirking.

They remained in silence, again, reliving in their head the last moments of their old world and the beginning of a new world. 

“ _Lis_ ” Noah became “ _this afternoon, I didn’t mean to say that you and Jonas…_ ”

“ _then why did you said it?_ ” she provoked him.

“ _because it’s simply something I’ve always been afraid of_ ” he admitted, “ _and usually my worst nightmares tend to come true, so…_ ”

She nodded, comprehensive.

“ _and that kiss_ ” he continued “ _it wasn’t a mistake… It was amazing, I can’t even describe how it made me feel. It was something I’ve wanted for a long time_ ”

“ _then why did you run away?_ ” 

He sighed, taking a step closer to her. 

_“ because one day, many years ago, I met a man. He was… he is… I will be him, one day. But you weren’t with him and I don’t know why… and this terrifies me. I don’t want you to be on the list of the people I lost”_

He was looking at the ground when he felt her approaching. She sighed, coming closer and posing a hand on his face, he  tilted his head, relishing that touch. 

“ _There could be so many reasons why I wasn’t there_ ” she signed, with one hand _"it doesn't mean that you've lost me"_

_“_ _I know”_ he signed _“and I’ve decided that I won’t let my future ruin my present. Especially when my present is with you”_

She smiled, blushing. 

_“_ _But I need time, this is new for me…”_ he admitted _“would you wait for me? Until I feel at ease…”_

She nodded, smirking _“I’d wait to the next apocalypse if it’s necessary”_

He chuckled, while his organs were shaking in his body _“and… while you wait… would you come back home? It doesn’t make sense without you…_ _ nothing does ” _

She sniffled and nodded, diving in his arms and burying her nose in his neck. He didn’t lose time to hug her back, taking her by the lower back and holding her tight,  enjoying the feeling of her body so close to him, her hair tickling his hear, the point of her nose caressing the delicate flesh of his neck .

He moved away a bit, just enough to pose his lips on her forehead with his eyes still closed; he opened them when he felt her palm on his cheek. 

_“_ _let’s go home”_ she said, taking his hand and pulling him. She left his hand only when she was opening the door of the bunker, and then she took it again, walking hand in hand towards home. 

_“ you’ll never guess what Claudia told me about my sister…” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonas in this chapter is the typical friend who gives smart advice to others but makes bad decisions for himself. And I really liked to write about Bartosz and Silya!  
> I hope you liked it! This was one of my favorites chapters to write so I really hope you enjoyed it as well!


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